Advocate
by The Philosopher's Queen
Summary: Seishirou is sent back into the past by Hokuto after he forces Subaru to kill him on Rainbow Bridge. The assassin, however, will be playing the elder Sumeragi twin's new game his own way, leaving a confused Subaru in the middle.
1. Prologue

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Summary: Sort of AU. Seishirou is sent back into the past by an angry Hokuto after he forces Subaru to kill him, giving him the chance to start again. The assassin however, resenting the changes to his plans, will be playing the older Sumeragi twin's game his own way. Hokuto herself has an importance of her own, and now she is alive again, retaining all memories of her death and subsequent afterlife, she'll play the game just as fiercely, leaving a confused but suspicious Subaru in the middle. Rating T, multiple storylines.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, Boy on boy. If you have a problem with yaoi or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's note: Hello! Philosopher's Queen here, after a long period of absence... (fails at life) Basically I've been too busy to sit down and actually write for pleasure in FAR TOO LONG. So now that my classes are over, I'm writing for ME. That's all from me :D

_... Advocate ..._

Prologue: Change of Plan

He knew he was dead, without a shadow of a doubt. He'd planned it that way, and seen Subaru's shaking hand disappearing into his chest. He'd realised not too long ago that the feelings he had for the younger onmyouji ran far deeper and were far more intense than the simple possessiveness he'd understood before. And that was why he had to die. To save Subaru. Otherwise, as Dragons of Heaven and Earth, they would carry on clashing until Seishirou, clearly the stronger onmyouji, destroyed the younger in combat. The flashes of memory from Rainbow Bridge assaulted him, flickers of colour, light, shouting and whispered spells, of hisses of pain and cries of horror from those arriving at the scene, only to watch himself and Subaru engaged in heated, bloody battle. Death was...unexpectedly peaceful. He just seemed to float in nothingness for a while, not bothering to open his eyes. He knew all about Death, he thought. Although the scream was unforeseen.

"YOU STUPID IDIOT!" The voice echoed in his head, and he yelped rather uncharacteristically. "YOU BLOODY FOOL!" it continued to berate him.

"Hokuto?"

"No, you THINK? God, I didn't think even YOU could be this stupid..." Seishirou tried to open his eyes, but was immediately assaulted by blinding light, and he yelped again. "Yeah, you'd BETTER be in pain..." Her voice was everywhere. "You'd better be so damn grateful I'm pulling strings to correct your little...oversight." She muttered. "I'll be seeing you soon, Sei-chan!" She then spat something about idiot assassins, and Seishirou finally opened his eyes. She was nowhere to be seen. He winced at the brightness of the light around him, and called her name uncertainly. What was going on? Soon, the enveloping white light grew too searing for his eyes to handle, forcing him to close them again with a hiss of disapproval. A blinding pain burned in his head, and he let out a gasp of surprise, before his mind went blissfully blank.

_... Advocate ..._

The first thing he became aware of when he came to was the familiar smell of the Sakura, something that was comforting, yet at the same time filled him with dread as his brain attempted to figure out what was going on.

"Seishirou-san?" The assassin nearly choked on his own tongue. He hadn't heard Subaru say his name like that since he...since before he'd killed Hokuto. Wait, what? Subaru? He shook himself and blinked blearily. With a sting of shock he realised he was in his own Marboroshi. The uncertain voice rang out again. "S...Seishirou-san?" The man blinked again, looking for the source of the voice and spotting the little green-eyed teenager. He did a double take, the realisation that Subaru was here, and very definitely sixteen again finally sinking in. His breath caught in his throat. He had forgotten how pretty younger Subaru had been. His twenty-three year old self had been stunning, obviously, but this child still held onto that breathtaking air of innocence and purity Seishirou had been attracted to in the first place. Memories of the day he'd told Subaru about the bet came hurtling back to him as the young onmyouji stood just a few feet away, oblivious to him.

"This is before everything. Destiny, with a little help from me, intervened after you died." Hokuto's voice echoed in his head, interrupting his thoughts.

"Before...everything?"

"Before you ruined his life, yes." How she could say that sweetly he guessed he would never know. "I can't make you change anything, Sei-chan." Hokuto's voice continued, sadly. "...Don't waste this chance. I've already told you far too much. Someone's probably going to throw a fit up there..." With that, Hokuto's presence faded. Seishirou let out a huff of confusion, which startled the little onmyouji into turning around, confused green eyes trying to work out why he wasn't in a hospital room. With a sudden hiss of pain, Seishirou realised his eye hurt. Or...his not-quite-an-eye-anymore. Subaru finally caught sight of him, and apparently, all confusion was replaced by panic. "Seishirou-san! I...I'm so sorry! Please forgive me, I love you...I'm so stupid, I'm sorry I never realised before...but I'm in love with you, I'm sorry that I made you blind..." The fragile-looking boy had tears streaming down his cheeks as he assaulted Seishirou with his garbled words. So this was what he never got the chance to say before. It amazed Seishirou that Subaru had disregarded the somewhat serious implications of not being in a hospital room in order to beg forgiveness. The assassin blinked. Who needed whose forgiveness? This was it, wasn't it? That pivotal point, the reason Hokuto, the meddling hellion, had brought him back. The question was...could he change anything? Did he have that sort of willpower? It would go against everything he stood for, all of his instincts – and it would be so much _fun_ to torture the boy again, watch him shatter into a thousand pieces...conflicting emotions assailed him, and he glared at the sky. How annoying. He appeared to be having an attack of conscience. Ah, well, it wouldn't be the first time. Conscience he could brush away. He turned his mismatched eyes on Subaru, fleetingly wishing he hadn't lost one of them, the missing depth perception having always irritated him.

Subaru had finished talking, or rather, trailed off uncertainly, bright green eyes full of confusion, and another emotion Seishirou knew the name of but refused to identify. The assassin lifted his head slightly to look upwards, murmuring, "Alright, then, Hokuto-chan. Have it your way. Mess with my plans, would you? I'll play this little game of yours, but be warned...I refuse to bend to your whims. I have my pride..." Then, he smiled, a slight sinister edge to it, before taking a step towards Subaru, whose eyes were nervous now, and focussed on that not-quite-smile.

"Subaru-kun."

_... Advocate ..._

Whee! I actually finished a prologue of something new!

O.o

The bulk of the story will be focussed on Seishirou, Subaru and Hokuto, with Kakyou making an entrance within a few chapters. I don't know how popular this fandom is, and I don't particularly care, since it actually owns my soul...but any responses would be well appreciated :)

Prologue is short. Chapters will be longer.

Philosopher's Queen


	2. Gameplan

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Summary: Sort of AU. Seishirou is sent back into the past by an angry Hokuto after he forces Subaru to kill him, giving him the chance to start again. The assassin however, resenting the changes to his plans, will be playing the older Sumeragi twin's game his own way. Hokuto herself has an importance of her own, and now she is alive again, retaining all memories of her death and subsequent afterlife, she'll play the game just as fiercely, leaving a confused but suspicious Subaru in the middle. Rating T, multiple storylines.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, Boy on boy. If you have a problem with yaoi or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's note: Thanks to **Ruth, Naru-Kyou, sute-hikahika** and **laustic** for the reviews, and thanks to those who put this on their alert list!

_......... Advocate ........._

Chapter One: Gameplan

With uncertainty came, inevitably, suspicion, and Seishirou watched as Subaru's eyes flicked from him, to the encompassing darkness of the marboroshi, to the Tree, just visible behind him, and back to the dark haired assassin again. "What's going on? Where are we?" He asked sharply, no longer stammering. His instincts were probably on hyper drive, Seishirou thought idly. And how to answer him? It was no longer as simple as 'you didn't win; therefore I'm at liberty to beat you senseless and break your heart'. Which, actually, if he wanted to, he could still do. Hokuto death glares aside. Containing his snort of derision, he spread his hands, training that one bright amber eye on Subaru and smiling in that oh-so-innocent way he always had. "You surprised me, Subaru-kun. I have to admit I didn't expect you to come..." As usual, the lies fell easily from his tongue, and he wondered if normal people were ever disturbed by speaking the untrue so fluidly. The skill certainly came naturally to him. Subaru faltered, brilliant green eyes blinking in confusion.

The little onmyouji hesitantly swiped a sleeve across his eyes, evidently still tense. Seishirou thought it prudent to perhaps provide a little more 'explanation'. "Come now, you know I share your talent...I was helping myself heal." As if in protest to this lie, his empty socket, swathed in bandages, throbbed slightly. He could feel hints of amusement and derision from the Tree behind him, the long-dead spirits trapped inside ever restless, and always in his head. After a brief moment where he wished he'd fed Hokuto to it rather than let her spirit go, since it would be difficult for the pest to come back and annoy him if she was buried under his Sakura. He decided that if he ever had the good fortune of being able to do away with the nuisance again, he'd feed the stupid girl to the Tree and be done with it. Part of his head laughed at him, and a voice in the very back of his mind (which sounded a lot like Hokuto) said _'ah, but you found it so hard last time...they were your friends, weren't they?'_

"..." Frowning, he shook the irritating thought from his head, and was again drawn from his introspection by a soft voice. "...How is it?" Subaru's tone had lost its sharp, apprehensive edge.

Seishirou almost grinned. His lips quirked, but he schooled his features before he could give away his glee. Subaru, silly, naive Subaru, had simply taken what he said and accepted it. It had not been difficult to keep the boy's trust, after all. Never mind that his illusions had no healing properties whatsoever, Subaru's seemingly endless amounts of trust he had for practically everyone he met had allowed him to get away with the lies again. Now that they had re-established that trust, and all hints of suspicion had been erased from the boy's eyes – and such wonderfully expressive eyes, Seishirou mused, he would always be able to read him just like a book – he could concentrate on dealing with the new, but not entirely unexpected revelation. He had known, of course, that Subaru was falling for him, and he had planned it, as much of an egotistical objective as that was. 'Charming' was his natural demeanour, and, effortlessly charismatic, he had seduced the younger in the most innocent way possible. With pretty words, gentle behaviour, and the imitation of intense feelings.

Again, though, the lies their intriguing little relationship was built on would make taking this venture further somewhat difficult. The plan of course was to break Subaru, since the year had gone and he had lost his bet. Seishirou pondered the unfairness of it; since he knew full well he cared for nothing, and was incapable of feeling. He took a step towards Subaru, and let that easy smile slide onto his face. "It will heal."

"But...you'll be blind?"

"Only in one eye. I shall manage."

Instead of replying verbally as he normally would, Subaru merely nodded. Hm. So perhaps not all of his suspicion had been erased. Approaching the boy, Seishirou did indeed note the slight tense in Subaru's shoulders, although his fears turned out to be unfounded when Subaru spoke.

"I'm sorry! It's my fault you got hurt...please don't hate me!" Not suspicious, then, just terrified of rejection. That was typical of teenagers, he supposed, and it was quite possibly the only thing typical about Subaru. He smiled genuinely at that thought, much to his own amusement, and wrapped his arms around the boy, something he'd done a hundred times. The gesture of affection felt almost, dare he say it, natural. "Don't be ridiculous, Subaru-kun, of course I don't hate you!" It wasn't a lie. The first time around, he had told Subaru he didn't hate him, alongside trying to kill him, which...in retrospect was sort of a physical oxymoron. He tightened his arms around the younger. "If I hated you, I wouldn't have gotten between you and the knife in the first place."

"But...you lost your eye...because of me - "

"And you think I'm going to hate you for that?" He tilted Subaru's chin up with one long finger, from where the younger had been adamantly staring at the floor. He blushed slightly, an expression Seishirou was all too used to, and an expression which made him grin roguishly. Unsurprisingly, the grin elicited the normal response from Subaru, who turned an even darker shade of red.

With a start, Seishirou realised he still had to address Subaru's confession. He couldn't afford to sweep it aside; he'd been waiting for the boy to say it for a whole year. He assumed that Subaru would be expecting him to say something about it, and this thought made him frown a little. How best to approach this? He'd never actually expected Subaru to come out and _say_ it, despite it being painfully obvious for the duration of the previous nine years, although of course this Subaru was still young, and excruciatingly naive. The boy looked away again, and his lips twitched.

"I'm in love with you..." This time, the confession came with a tone of voice that was almost wondering, and for some reason, the softly spoken words filled Seishirou with elation. He, of course, knew that Subaru was his special person, the one he loved most, otherwise passing on his role as the Sakurazukamori to the younger man, which was the 'grand plan' as it were, would not have been possible. Still, he'd never acted on his 'feelings', dismissing them as nothing more than obligatory to the transition of his job. And actually something of pain. And still Subaru needed an answer.

"Well it's about time." Was the reply Seishirou settled for after a moment. It was impartial, and contained no lies he might regret later. It was one thing to omit certain truths and conceal certain facts, but Seishirou was aware of how dangerous lies could become if they were too blatant, too obvious, and worst of all, contestable. He allowed a gracious smile to light his face, a smile Subaru nervously returned. With a hum of amusement, Seishirou realised they were still in his marboroshi. He erased it, appreciating the look of amazement on his younger friend's face. The onmyouji shook his head a little. "You're a sorcerer too...I've seen you before, but I didn't know you were _this_ good..." Seishirou let go of Subaru and returned to his hospital bed. He didn't want or need it, but it beat going home, where he'd have to return to doing menial chores and doing all the cooking. Plus, here there were plenty of people to prevent him from dwelling on certain things his head had the nerve to bring up when he was alone.

He'd been doing that a lot, he mused, in the couple of years running up to his death. His cursed mind wouldn't let him be, and was wonderfully capable of concocting different lives he could have led if he'd made different decisions. And not just ones concerning Subaru, either. He had always told himself that none of these other fancies were substantial, since he was practically unfeeling anyway, thank you very much, and besides, he enjoyed the life he had chosen.

Even if it had been somewhat lonely since he'd killed Hokuto and lost Subaru.

And where, exactly, had that thought appeared from? He fought not to let his annoyance show as he squashed that contemplation dead. Glancing up, he smiled benevolently at Subaru, who had relocated himself to the end of Seishirou's hospital bed and was playing with the sheets. It was like he was expecting something, although Seishirou didn't have the first clue what it could be. Then again, as charming as he was, and as well as he could usually read the younger boy, he had to admit he'd never really been in this sort of position with him before. He opened his mouth, not entirely sure what to say, but was saved by a couple of nurses who came in to check him over. Thankfully, they shooed Subaru out to do so, liberating him from the requirement to actually talk to him.

The onmyouji bowed slightly and left, blushing, promising he'd come back and see him tomorrow during visiting hours. Seishirou resolved to have a serious think about the situation he was now in. He'd thrown himself into this game of Hokuto's, and was now regretting it somewhat, not actually having the faintest idea where to move next. He'd have to come up with some sort of gameplan before Subaru came back...and...ponder his own reaction to Subaru's heartfelt confession.

_......... Advocate ........._

Hokuto Sumeragi was not having a good day. Of course, waking up with a migraine was one thing, waking up after being dead for nine years with a migraine was quite another. Disorientation didn't suit the elder twin, and clumsily bumping into the furniture in her bedroom as she tried to find her way dizzily to the bathroom was not something she wanted to be seen doing.

Three hours of showering, religious straightening of hair and application of careful and subtle makeup later, she felt a little better. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, which wore a very slight frown, she wondered how she was going to go about forcing Seishirou to realise that he wasn't the cold, heartless assassin he assumed he was. She rather hoped dying at his love's hand (for she knew that _he_ knew he loved Subaru...there was just an awful lot of 'buts' involved in the way his mind was dealing with it), would have knocked some sense into him, but she wasn't certain the idiot would play this the way she wanted him to, and had a horrible feeling that he'd turn this into a strange sort of game and fight against her at every turn. That would be, unfortunately, just like him, since she was fairly sure he'd not appreciate her sending him back. He was always one for carefully laid plans, although waiting until he was definitely dying in Subaru's arms to tell her poor brother he loved him after all was a rather disturbing thing to do. She supposed it was part of his scheme to turn Subaru into the Sakurazukamori, an act that clinched her decision to make them both start over.

Standing up and dusting herself off, she took a moment to smile with elation at being alive again. She had really messed with destiny when she'd had Seishirou kill her; she was never supposed to die, after all. Still, Hokuto took pride in laughing in the face of so-called 'destiny', she'd choose her own life, thank you very much, and she wouldn't let any other bugger set it out for her. Although some of the things that were 'supposed' to happen, she'd allow with relish, she thought with a grin. Twisting her head and deciding she looked acceptable, she bounced across the hallway to Subaru's apartment, letting herself in and perching on his sofa, awaiting his return. She hadn't been able to talk to him or hug him in years...it was something she was looking forward to. She'd always known that her death would destroy what was left of Subaru after Seishirou's betrayal. A bond like theirs was difficult to come between, and severing it would have hit him hard. They were twins, after all. In some cultures twins supposedly shared a soul, so it was not surprising that Subaru never got over it. Still, it made him strong enough to fight back and come out of his self-inflicted coma, which was the main reason she had gone to Seishirou. She knew, of course, that the older man would never have actually managed to kill her brother, her other reason for signing her own death warrant was the first thing she attempted in an effort to change their futures; the spell she cast at the moment of her death.

Her reminiscence was interrupted by Subaru opening the unlocked door, having gotten back from the hospital. She jumped up and ran to the front door, throwing herself at her brother, who let out an undignified squeak and stumbled under her weight. "Subaru!" She laughed, kissing his cheek. "I've missed you so much!"

"I've only been gone since this morning, Hokuto..." Her younger brother grinned, mystified. She shook off the comment and waved her hand, leaving her other arm round his neck. "I'm allowed to miss my baby brother if I want to..."

"Less of the 'baby', I'm only four minutes younger than you."

"And it's so sad that I only had four minutes of peace before I had to put up with a little brother..." Hokuto sighed dramatically, enjoying the playful banter that made up their relationship. She hugged him again, glad that he had actually returned home from his visit this time around. That meant Seishirou had done something right by not repeating his actions from last time. Also, he looked happy, so hopefully something good had happened, and she wouldn't have to put too much effort into getting her brother and Seishirou together. Then again...Seishirou was the master of deception, so perhaps she'd better have some sort of plan in case he was trying to mislead Subaru again.

"So how is he?" She asked.

"He's fine...and he doesn't hate me, even though his injury was my fault." She rolled her eyes, smacking him upside the head, and he yowled, glaring at her. "What was that for?"

"Idiot. It was not your fault."

"...That's what Seishirou-san said."

"There, see? That must mean its true, if both of us said it." She said matter-of-factly, with a knowing nod of her head. "So what else did you two talk about?" She prodded in the hopes of gleaning some more information. She wasn't quite ready to face her killer yet, since she wasn't sure quite how to speak to him. "You've been gone ages."

Subaru, as she expected, turned an interesting shade of red, and she squealed. "Subaru, you're blushing!" She sang, swinging her brother's arm and playing the innocent sister. She sobered when the younger twin turned serious eyes on her. "I told him I loved him. I...didn't even realise I did, that's the stupid thing...and you knew, didn't you?"

There was a long pause. "I might have..." She grinned from ear to ear. "What did he say?" Her heart sank when Subaru frowned a little.

"Not a lot, admittedly, which I thought a bit...weird since he's spent the better part of a year saying those words to me. He just sort of said...'it's about time'. Is that...weird?"

"Sei-chan _is_ weird." Hokuto chose to answer, careful not to give too much away. She assumed Seishirou hadn't said anything about the bet, because she had a feeling that would have messed Subaru up anyway, since that would have meant finding out about Seishirou's rather unhealthy occuption. "Maybe you can talk it over with him tomorrow." She nodded.

"I would..." Subaru grimaced. "But I have to work, something's come up...you should go see him, though, the nurse said he be in there for three days..."

"I...might..." Hokuto murmured, frowning a little over his shoulder. "I have a few errands to run...but I should probably go and say hello..." She smiled at him, and wondered briefly how she was going to make sure he found out the truth, but stayed happy. She'd had nine years to plan this, and yet here she was, unsure of how to proceed. Her brother was the only one of the three who had no recollection of the previous nine years, and it would probably be best to keep it that way. But he _did_ have to know about Seishirou's true identity. She just hoped that Seishirou would, for the first time, be straight with him. It was something of a forlorn hope, but she intended to help him make the right decision, determined as she was that the two were not doomed to be loveless and apart. She wasn't done with destiny yet.

_......... Advocate ........._

Author's notes:

Lots of Seishirou introspection here. There will be some action later on, but I prefer not to write EPIC action, since I'm better at shiny romance stories than drama-filled ones. Yes, oddly, this story has a plan, IS going somewhere, should end up at about 9 chapters long, and WILL have a sequel. Which will be action-y, since I've been informed I should at least attempt to write decent action. I shall try from now on to get an update up every week or so, work allowing. I enjoy writing Seishirou's perspective, and I'm aware I tend to stick to him for large chunks of story. These SHOULD thin out as the story carries on to include Hokuto and Kakyou, so do tell me if you think there is too much of Seishirou.

Oh and by the way...like most TB and X fans, I took what Seishirou said to Subaru when he died as 'I love you', 'I always loved you' or something along those lines. There's hope for Seishirou yet, damnit! :)

Reviews, as always, are appreciated, tell me what you think, what you liked or didn't like, how I could improve...I love critical feedback, it makes me write better, and since I plan to be an author...this would be useful. Thanks!

_Next chapter: Hokuto secretly visits a locked up Kakyou, then gives Seishirou an ultimatum while Subaru is working. Subaru asks Seishirou to explain the extent of his powers but is circumvented, so tries to find out some things on his own._

Philosopher's Queen


	3. Double Fault

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Summary: Sort of AU. Seishirou is sent back into the past by an angry Hokuto after he forces Subaru to kill him, giving him the chance to start again. The assassin however, resenting the changes to his plans, will be playing the older Sumeragi twin's game his own way. Hokuto herself has an importance of her own, and now she is alive again, retaining all memories of her death and subsequent afterlife, she'll play the game just as fiercely, leaving a confused but suspicious Subaru in the middle. Rating T, multiple storylines.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, Boy on boy. If you have a problem with yaoi or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's note: Thanks for the reviews guys, I really love getting them!

_......... Advocate ........._

Chapter Two: Double Fault

"_The cherry blossoms are beautiful."_

"_You like cherry blossoms, do you?"_

"_Yes..."_

Subaru tossed his head in his sleep, one hand thrown up over his head, the other gripping the sheets tightly. His eyes moved behind closed eyelids, and he had thrown off the covers. They lay in a heap on the floor in the dark room. The clock read ten past two, and pale streaks of moonlight filtered through the gaps in the curtains, but the sleeping boy noticed none of this, trapped once gain in his recurring nightmare. A nightmare that seemed more than a nightmare. It felt more like...memories.

"_But did you know? They say...buried underneath every cherry tree...is a corpse."_

"_A corpse?"_

The green-eyed teenager woke with a cry, a name on his lips he couldn't remember. He groaned in frustration and fisted the sheets, bringing his knees to his chest and panting with exertion. He felt as though he'd just run a marathon, and realised he must have been quite viciously twisting and turning in his sleep, judging by the state of the bed. He was shaking, and his forehead was damp with sweat. He punched his pillow angrily in a fit of aggravation, before flipping himself over and sprawling face down on his bed, growling into it. Taking a few deep breaths and resolving not to try and go back to sleep, he thought through the few bits of the dreams he _did _remember. The child was him. Wasn't it? But, that child wasn't alone. The other boy, the older one...the one who made him think of Seishirou...

At this point Subaru let out an irritated noise. It couldn't have been Seishirou, that boy's manner was different. Darker. He ignored the nagging voice in the back of his head that reminded him that Seishirou was far more than he let on; his deliberate avoidance of Hokuto's incessant nagging for information was testament to that. He buried his face in his hands, growling in irritation as he brushed unshed tears from his eyes he didn't even know the reason for. The strangest thing was...he recognised the Tree in his dream. It was behind Seishirou yesterday in the hospital room. He shook his head. He'd seen that Tree, so many times, it couldn't _not_ be linked. He lay back on the bed, chewing on his lower lip. Was he letting his imagination get the better of him?

"You like the cherry blossoms..." He murmured, frowning. He definitely remembered being under that Sakura tree, but nothing much else of consequence, other than that there was another boy with him, who'd promised to meet him again. But...those other things...the ones he saw in his dreams, were they real? Did they happen too? Or was it just his mind twisting the things he came up against on a day to day basis and turning something innocent sinister? He sat up again, feeling restless, and got out of bed, moving through to the kitchen, not so much to make something, but just for the sake of movement. As he sat, he shivered, watched goose bumps appear on his bare arms and legs, and frowned, getting up to close the open window. He didn't remember leaving it open, but he didn't remember specifically closing it, either, and he wondered if he was getting complacent. Doing what he did for a living put his life in danger, and leaving windows open and doors unlocked made him an easy target. He wondered vaguely how many people still connected the name Sumeragi with onmyoujitsu.

He reached for the window handle, but paused, staring out at Tokyo, still alive and awake even at such a late hour. Wind ruffled his hair and made him shiver again, but still he stood, frozen in place as he swept his eyes over the city. He was working tomorrow morning, but part of him wanted to go and see Seishirou again. Confusion settled on him as he remembered their conversation. Somehow he'd imagined a different reaction to his confession, and as embarrassing as it was, he admitted he'd wanted Seishirou to say the words back to him. He'd heard them before, but never had they been said with complete sincerity, and he wondered if Seishirou had been playing around the whole time.

"Seishirou-san..." He murmured, his fingers still brushing the window handle. He would go again tomorrow. If not to talk to the older man about his feelings, to ask him exactly how much power he was hiding...

_......... Advocate ........._

Hokuto felt her heart rate increase as she headed down the long corridor, as fast as she could while still being quiet. It would be nice to see Kakyou again, even if he was locked up by his family...she'd always felt horribly guilty that he'd been shot by people who were supposed to care about him for trying to save her. It sickened her that his supposed family treated him like some sort of freak or animal, just because he was different. It was the same anger she felt when people looked down on her brother for being who he was. She imagined that the self-righteous resentment she felt towards these people stemmed from their lack of understanding. They were scared of youngsters like Subaru and Kakyou, so different to 'normal' people.

The young _yumemi_ had only ever been in her dreams; she'd never sought him out in real life, something she regretted after her death. She knew she should probably be focussing on her brother, but she wanted to keep the promise she made to Kakyou when she'd first stumbled into his dream. She hovered by the door she remembered from his memories, before taking a deep breath and ghosting her fingers across the keyhole, murmuring soft words under her breath. She may not be very powerful, but she was still an onmyouji, and she could call her magic to her for simple things like this.

"...Kyou-chan?" She said softly, using the nickname she'd given him, back when she was young and innocent. She pushed the door open, and there was a crash from inside. Confused amber eyes blinked warily at her, until recognition flared up in them, and the young man lying in the corner of the room let out a disbelieving gasp. "Ho..Hokuto-chan?"

"Shh!" She slipped inside and closed the door behind her. "Do you know how hard it was to get in here? I had to pretend to be a maid! Yeurch! Look at these clothes, they're horrid!"

Kakyou was still staring at her in disbelief. "Hokuto-chan...." His voice was just as it was in her dreams, soft and world-weary. The girl smiled and bounced over to him, dropping to her knees by his side. "They're awful, locking you up like this..."

"What are you doing here?" He breathed, eyes wide. Hokuto made a mock upset noise. "Ehh, I come all this way to see you, and I don't even get a proper hello!"

"H...Hello..." Kakyou mumbled, still staring at her as though he wasn't entirely sure if he was asleep and dreaming or not.

"That's better. It was a lot of hard work getting into this place, and as for what I'm doing here, I came to see you, silly, just like I promised. It wasn't easy to find you, mind..." The look on his face was exactly what she'd been waiting nine years to see, as she seated herself more comfortably next to his bed. He struggled to sit up, and immediately she helped him. He turned away. "You must think I'm so weak. I'm not worth all your effort, Hokuto-chan...I couldn't leave this room even if my mother did not lock the door when she left..." Hokuto shook her head, and took one of his hands in both of her own. "I bet you could, Kakyou, if you really wanted to."

_I know you could. You've already done it, and you did it to try and save me..._

She smiled as the thought crossed her mind, even as he let out a tight laugh. "You have a lot of faith in someone you've never met before."

"Don't be silly! We've met a hundred times. Well..." She counted. "Four. But we know each other well, don't we?" She waggled a finger at him, smiling brilliantly. "I won't break a promise to you this time, I said you had me on your side, and I meant it!" She clicked her fingers. "But you should have a better opinion of yourself. You're like my brother, not even aware of your own importance!" She kept her green eyes on him, the man she'd always wanted to see in real life. He was just as beautiful as she remembered, long, fair hair, pale, almost translucent skin, and expressive eyes, eyes she used to imagine she could drown in. It was easy to flirt with him, despite how cagey and embarrassed he became when she did, and she loved seeing his face light up when she appeared in his dreams and took him into hers

"My power is a curse, not a gift." The young man sighed.

"Hey, I'm going to get cross with you in a minute!" She warned. "I'll have to go soon, but I'll come back, I promise. And I'll think of some way to get you out, too. I would take you with me now, but I don't think all those men in black suits and sunglasses would like me very much..."

Kakyou's hand shot out and gripped her wrist, and panic flickered in his golden eyes. "Don't get involved! Please...they're bad men, they're dangerous, you might get hurt..."

"No, they wouldn't hurt a cute girl like me!" She joked. When Kakyou's grip tightened on her wrist, she relented. "I know, I know. I won't let them figure out I'm not a real maid. But you shouldn't have to work for people you don't like. Maybe Subaru can help me, he's better at the whole onmyoujitsu deal than I am."

"You don't have to..."

Hokuto made a noise in the back of her throat and threw her arms around his neck, being careful not to hurt him. "But I promised I'd take you outside. I _promised_, so I will. Even if I have to break you out myself. You could stay with me, and we would have so much fun together, just like in the dreams...and with Subaru and Sei-chan too..." Her wish was not selfish, was it? The family she and Subaru had was not close, and all she wanted to do was build a new one, and for her and her brother to be happy. She'd already proved she'd do anything to achieve this wish, but had always hated that she'd broken Kakyou's heart. The dreamseer himself had hesitantly wound his arms around her. "You...are such an amazing person." He murmured. "You really care about other people..."

"I like it. It makes me feel happy when others are happy." She said simply. "And I bet that a few weeks out of this room and living like normal people will do wonders for your health..." She liked to be optimistic, and she certainly knew it helped when you were around pessimists like Kakyou. She supposed it was only natural for a person to be pessimistic when their lives were ruled the way his was, though. Her heart burst for him, and she tightened her hold on him. She lived to help people like him, although she had to admit no-one had ever touched her the same way the quiet dreamseer had. She let him go, turning her head to the door. After the footsteps she had heard had gone again, she turned back to Kakyou. "I'll be back soon, I promise. I have to go, I've got some errands to run. I'll see you soon..." She brushed her fingers over his and quickly disappeared out of the door. The pale haired young man watched her go, amber eyes soft.

It didn't take the teen long to escape the house, and as she left, she glanced back at Kakyou's window with a secretive smile. She was indeed enjoying being alive again.

As she walked towards the hospital, she pondered what she was going to say to Seishirou. There were a lot of things she wanted to say, and a lot of things she wanted to do...which ranged from throwing her arms around him to throwing him out of the window. She amused herself for a few moments thinking of all the different ways she could maim him for not only being an utter ass to her little brother, but for daring to circumvent her dying spell by purposely getting himself killed. This was possibly the most annoying part. She'd died so they could have a chance at happiness, and what does the idiot do? Kill himself as a get out clause. Oh yes, they'd have words about that. Still, part of her, and it galled her to admit that it was a very large part, was nervous about coming face to face with Seishirou. He was a murderer after all. Her murderer. That wasn't a pleasant thought. Her face went slightly green as she remembered the awful feeling of being stabbed through the chest with pinpoint precision by a hand that had clearly mastered that particular skill. Still, she prided herself on the fact that she was still able to smile benignly back at the assassin despite being in severe amounts of pain.

Standing outside the hospital, she sighed and paged her brother, telling him where she was, before turning the communication device off and going inside. Approaching the front desk, she smiled vaguely at the receptionist. "Hokuto Sumeragi to see Seishirou Sakurazuka..." The young man returned her smile and scanned the list of in-patients whose names began with 'S'. "Second floor, room 203." She followed the instructions almost as though she were in a dream. Hokuto still had no idea exactly how this meeting was going to go. She hesitated before knocking and entering room 203 with a mental self-chastisement for being silly. And there he was, sitting in bed reading. Of course he was. She didn't know why she was expecting (hoping?) he wouldn't be there. Seishirou noticed her at this point, looking up from his book and giving her a quizzical look, followed by a slight smile. "Hello Hokuto-chan."

She took a deep breath, and opened her mouth, only to close it again. His superior smirk flicked some invisible switch in her head, and she darted forward and backhanded him with all the force she could muster. "You selfish, stupid, lying bastard! You self-obsessed IDIOT! What the bloody hell were you thinking? I cannot BELIEVE that after everything I did, you STILL managed to screw it all up. On purpose! You think you were being funny? WHAT THE HELL?" She snarled, hands on hips. To his credit, Seishirou actually looked slightly cowed, though whether from the tirade or the stinging red mark on his face she couldn't be sure. He _did _look highly surprised. "...it's nice to see you again." She finished lamely, before adopting the bright demeanour he was used to.

"It's....surprising to see _you_ again. Usually people I kill stay dead after all..."

Cold. Very cold. She would have flinched had she not been determined to show she was serious. Well alright then, if that was how he was going to play it... "Yes, well, you know how wonderfully stubborn I am. You don't think a little thing like death was going to stop me stop _you_ from destroying my baby brother, did you?" She said scornfully. Then the teen put a finger to her lips and hummed. "It was nice of you not to feed me to your silly tree, though..." She finished sweetly.

He mumbled something about mistakes, rubbing his cheek and glaring at her. "Be nice." She snapped. "If that is within your capacity."

"I can pretend to be if you like. Pretending is certainly within my capacity. Although now you know what I am, I don't suppose I have to act nice, however entertaining our conversations were."

Hokuto ground her teeth. "...shut up." She inwardly sighed. This wasn't quite how she'd imagined this conversation going. "Look...my brother loves you." She decided on, spreading her arms. "He _loves_ you. You know it, too. And I don't think I even want to know whatever twisted, sordid reason you came up with that dictated you had to screw his life up completely, but I'm not standing by and letting you do it again. You know what you have to do now? Tell him the truth."

"You are insane if you think I'm going along with your silly little ideas." He said benignly. "I do what I want, Hokuto-chan. You insisted on this...'replay'. What makes you think I'm going to do anything different?"

"Me. I'm here this time, and I'm much better at this sort of thing than you."

"I see. Well you weren't exactly helpful last time around, were you?" He smirked, and she was tempted to smack him one again, but she didn't think he'd let her get away with it a second time. Hokuto shrugged. "Tell him the truth, or I'll tell him everything."

His triumphant smirk instantly told her she'd played into his hands with that remark, and she cursed herself. "One," He began, "You would drive us apart with the things I've hidden from him, which is clearly not on your agenda, as irritating as your agenda is. Two, you do realise he would feel as though he'd been betrayed by _you _as well for keeping it all from him?"

"...Touché..." She was shocked. She honestly hadn't come to that conclusion herself. Of course Subaru would be hurt, and not only by Seishirou, but by her s well. Ws she not keeping things from him right now, too? And in what way was she any better than Seishirou in that respect? "Well played." She murmured, until her frown turned into a wide smile. "Still, that was one thing of mine in a long list of others." She turned to go. "Oh, and Sei-chan...you know he'll have to find out at some point." She warned as she left. As hurtful as it would inevitably be for Subaru to find out who Seishirou really was, there was no way he could be left in the dark forever.

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Author's notes: Kakyou wouldn't be comatose at this point, since he got shot and put into said coma trying to save Hokuto. I will assume this was the case, but I may only be speculating! I do know that Kakyou was kept locked up by his mother, and that she forced him to use his powers to help the mafia, etc. I feel kind of sorry for him, and I love him as a character, that's why I've chosen to include him in this story. I hope he was fairly in character, I imagined him as less depressed and more childish than in X, and I estimated him to be a few years older than Subaru and Hokuto. He'll still be the serious and angsty Kakyou we all know and adore, and I hope you guys like him! I love him to pieces. :D

And on another side note....I adore Hokuto. I've tried to keep her in character, because I find her so much fun to write. Her attitude is awesome :D. I'm not sure how that last scene went to be honest. I may rewrite it :S

Reviews are appreciated, and mostly replied to. I missed some people after the prologue because my account was playing up, but I should start replying properly soon! (sweatdrop)

_Next chapter: Subaru does some reading, Hokuto talks to her brother about Kakyou, Seishirou comes out of hospital and does something that confuses everyone, including himself._

Philosopher's Queen


	4. The Rook and the Queen

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Summary: Sort of AU. Seishirou is sent back into the past by an angry Hokuto after he forces Subaru to kill him, giving him the chance to start again. The assassin however, resenting the changes to his plans, will be playing the older Sumeragi twin's game his own way. Hokuto herself has an importance of her own, and now she is alive again, retaining all memories of her death and subsequent afterlife, she'll play the game just as fiercely, leaving a confused but suspicious Subaru in the middle. Rating T, multiple storylines.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, Boy on boy. If you have a problem with yaoi or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's note: Again, thanks for the reviews :) Sorry this took so long, my keyboard threw a hissy fit and I've been alternating using it and an onscreen keyboard, which most DEFINATELY slows me down - . -

_......... Advocate ........._

Chapter Three: The Rook and the Queen

"_But so that I may recognise you when we meet again..."_

It seemed that Subaru was doomed to not get a decent night's sleep any time soon. He twisted the duvet around himself, almost choking himself as he tossed and turned, just like every other night. The dreams were becoming more vivid, more real, each time they happened.

"_I will carve a symbol onto you. A symbol to show that you are the prey of the Sakurazukamori."_

Another swift and barely stifled cry as the young onmyouji's eyes snapped open. _Memories_. Was his first thought. _These are my memories._ As he returned to consciousness, his confused head began, as usual, leaking the details of the dream until his thoughts were just a muddle of colour and voices. Voices he recognised. On a sudden impulse, he tore off the gloves he wore, his whole body shaking from the onslaught of scattered memories.

The backs of his hands were bare. There was nothing there. He couldn't even remember what he'd been expecting to find on his skin, and that was the problem...he scratched at his skin like a man possessed, so desperate was he to know the truth. In a fit of angst, he threw his gloves across the room, burying his face in his hands. Why couldn't he remember? It felt nice not having the restricting fabric on his hands, he thought detachedly. Realising he wasn't going to get any sleep for the third or fourth night in a row, he stood up, running a hand through his raven hair. _Sakurazukamori_. That word stuck. He knew what they...or _it_ was, of course, he wasn't stupid. But why was he dreaming of it? And why, when he thought of the term, did his mind connect it to Seishirou? He almost didn't want to know the answer. Subaru the onmyouji resolved to do some reading. But Subaru the teenager wasn't sure he wanted to. He wondered if he should just ask Seishirou to explain. After all...the man loved him...didn't he?

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Hokuto found her brother buried in a book. She smiled, wondering if it was a school book. "Studying?" She asked, dropping her shopping on his kitchen table. He glanced up and smiled fondly at her. "Hello Hokuto-chan...no, I'm just reading – did you do my shopping for me again?"

"Of course." She said amiably. "Got to look after you, haven't I!" She'd missed little things like this, she thought, as her brother wound his arms around her. "Thanks...I don't know what I'd do without you..."

"Oh, turn into an anorexic, angsty recluse hell bent on avenging me or my death, I suppose..." She said lightly. He laughed, unaware that Hokuto was being painfully serious. She began to put the tins of food and groceries in his cupboards, well aware she knew her way around his kitchen better than he did. He went back to his book leaving her to it, and they enjoyed each other's company in silence until the older girl was done. Hokuto then sat opposite Subaru with a cup of coffee. She had decided to ask for her twin's help with Kakyou, despite feeling she should leave him to cope with his own problems. After all, if she did not approach him, he'd find out what she was up to and wonder why she hadn't asked for help. And then he'd probably worry that she didn't trust him, and he'd pull an angst-fest on her.

"Subaru-kun...I need your help..." She murmured, fiddling with her coffee cup.

"What's wrong?" He asked instantly, a worried expression sliding over his features. She shook her head, smiling softly at his concern. "I'm alright, don't fret, but...well, a very good friend of mine, someone I care very much about, is in trouble..." With a deep breath she launched into the story, telling him about Kakyou, his mother, the mafia, and how she had promised to get him out. Subaru, as she had expected, was horrified. "Of course I'll help!" He gasped, clutching her hand in his and giving her a reassuring smile. "That's horrible, that he's being mistreated like that! What do you need me to do?"

"Er..." She stalled. "Um, I'm still working out how we're getting him out. I'll let you know, though, okay?" Her brother nodded. "I'll help in any way I can." He hugged her. "You're a good person, Hokuto-chan..." He murmured. "By the way....how do you know him?" He queried.

"Our dreams crossed. He seemed so lonely..." She had already explained the older boy's talent, and the resultant physical weakness he had to endure because of it. "I want to help him. He deserves more than to be a slave to the mafia." She was indignant about this, especially. She hated criminals (and at this point, she reminded herself that she was trying to pair up her brother with one, a little fact she chose to pointedly ignore; she'd file it away for examination later), and the thought that Kakyou was being forced to foresee the future for them was horrid.

Subaru nodded in agreement. "Of course. What will you do with him, though? It isn't like you've got room for him in your apartment..." She waved him off, her face crinkling into a pretty smile. "Of course there's room. My apartment is plenty big enough for two people, and besides, I promised him I'd look after him until he'd be able to look after himself. Unless we want to stay together." She added with a grin, and what would have been a blush, if Hokuto was the sort of person who bothered with that sort of thing.

"I...see..." Subaru murmured, quirking his lips with a smile. "While...while we're here, Hokuto-chan..." He murmured in that hesitant way of his. "I was reading this morning. About the Sakurazukamori. I keep having dreams about him – "

"You know who it is?!" Hokuto gasped, her eyes widening. If he _knew_ already, then –

"No...and that's the frustrating thing. I see him every night, but I can never remember who he is when I wake up! I just keep thinking about you...and Seishirou..." He muttered doubtfully. "I mean, you always mutter about him being not who he says he is..."

Hokuto's heart leapt to her mouth. Suddenly she felt a burning urge to tell Subaru everything. Tell her brother all about the desperate game she and Seishirou were playing. But the Sakurazukamori's words were coming back to her in floods. He would be betrayed, Seishirou had said. By both of them. He wouldn't trust either of them if she dared tell him. Of course, there was nothing stopping Seishirou from blurting out her involvement anyway – in fact he'd probably take great pleasure in doing so. She just hoped he'd stop wanting to hurt Subaru. It was bloody ridiculous, she thought to herself, that he was so blind. She knew that _he_ knew Subaru was important to him. She just wished he'd give up on this stupid plan to make the younger boy's life miserable so he'd hate Seishirou enough to kill him and succeed him as Sakurazukamori. Because frankly, that was a crap plan, if she had to be honest.

She realised she had yet to answer her brother, who looked faintly perplexed at her sudden introspection. "Well, normally that's just me being silly. You know me and Seishirou like to tease each other like that...but...what, you think he might be actually hiding something?" There. That was ambiguous enough, wasn't it?

"I don't know..." Hokuto felt like banging her head on the table. It was always an 'I don't know' with Subaru, a shrug and a shy smile, always unsure and vague. The stupid boy needed to be more assertive and decisive. She suddenly felt horribly guilty. How could she call her baby brother stupid when she herself was the one hiding the truth from him? Not for the first time, she began to doubt herself. He would hate her, wouldn't he? Hate her for keeping a secret as important and life-changing as this. "So that's why you were reading earlier."

"Just trying to find out more about them, that's all. There isn't much to go on, at least, nothing I don't already know..." He sighed. "I know I have some sort of connection to them...or, you know, _him_..." He lifted his gloved hands to his face, scrutinising them. Hokuto moved behind him, wrapping her arms around the young onmyouji. "You always were the special one, Subaru-kun." She sighed. He hugged her arms, smiling a little. "Yeah, if by special you mean cursed...I have to go. I've got a job, and then I was thinking of going to see Seishirou..." That adorable blush was back, and Hokuto couldn't help the grin that appeared on her face. She did love seeing her brother happy.

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The boy bit back a cry as he was thrown through a shoji screen. The papery material crumpled underneath him, and he rolled over and over, his momentum taking him all the way to the opposite wall. He stopped, winded. The inugami was not especially violent, but damned if he wasn't thinking about his dreams instead of concentrating. He got to his feet, cross with himself. The dog spirit howled, leaping towards him with a growl. He flinched again, dodging and beginning the chant that would banish the spirit. From what he had gathered, the spirit was invoked by a wrathful teenager trying to get revenge on an ex. Trivial, he thought, but, being the kind of boy he was, he naturally allowed himself to empathise with the jilted girl. If Seishirou suddenly walked out of _his _life, he...

Wait, what? As the inugami evaporated with a lingering howl, he let his hands drop. He'd come to accept that he did indeed love the older man, and yet the feeling still made him blush. He could suddenly imagine them walking together, hand in hand, down a busy street. And he blushed. A smile flickered across his face briefly as he accepted the heartfelt thanks of the girl's mother, and tipped his hat (another of Hokuto's, of course), leaving the apartment block and heading for the hospital. He couldn't, for some reason, keep the grin off his face. He made it to the hospital within half an hour, smiling politely at everyone who caught his eye.

"Subaru-kun!" Seishirou sounded surprised. "I didn't expect to see you today – I was just signing myself out of hospital..."

"You're allowed to leave? How is your eye?" The onmyouji replied with a smile. The familiar guilt bubbled up in his stomach, but he squashed it as the older man smiled easily at him. Seishirou shrugged. "Fine, as long as I keep taking antibiotics and painkillers for a little while, I should be right as rain. Although I already miss my depth perception – don't you apologise again or I'll throw this pen at you." He interrupted his own sentence as Subaru opened his mouth. He abruptly shut it again, giving the other an embarrassed smile. The two onmyouji left the crowded reception of the hospital and made their way at a leisurely pace out onto the street. "Shall we go for ice-cream, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asked pleasantly, smiling faintly at the younger's eager agreement. The two walked side by side, weaving their way through the busy street.

Seishirou, of course, was still trying to figure out his next move. He knew Hokuto was watching him like a hawk, trying to see if he was going to do anything to wreck her plan to give everyone a happy ending. For the first time, the thought that crossed his mind was not nasty. He had a brief flash of conscience, and wondered for the first time if it would be possible to just...go with the flow and let Hokuto give them their 'happy ending'. Maybe it would be nice, he thought, to escape the loneliness and let Subaru get close to him. Hell knows, the green-eyed boy had already managed to get under the older man's skin. He instantly dismissed this. Subaru would not accept him as the Sakurazukamori. That was a given. He was a murderer, and the Sumeragi family's nemesis. No matter how much he loved the boy, it was never going to happen. They were too different, Seishirou would only slowly destroy Subaru. And he would enjoy it. Of course he would. It would be...amusing. That was the reality of being who he was. The child was so blindly trusting, so innocent...and it had been so easy to completely destroy that innocence last time. So...why did he not just kill the boy, torture him like he did before? What exactly had changed?

In a sudden shock of realisation, he discovered he knew exactly what had changed. Before...he hadn't known he was in love with Subaru. He turned his eyes to the animated boy walking beside him, slightly in front, tugging him through the mass of pedestrians by the hand, babbling something about seeing eye dogs, and how he'd help Seishirou cope with the loss of his eye, and with it, his depth perception. He was so...special. It was the only way to put it. But however special he was, there was no denying the fact that somehow he'd still have to make the younger boy kill him, as per the contract of the Sakurazukamori. He would settle for no other, despite how much it would inevitably ruin Subaru's life. He could have sworn he almost felt a flicker of regret, and stopped.

Subaru turned quizzical eyes on him, their hands still together. Attracting attention from passers-by who'd worked out that Subaru was not a girl, of course, but the younger boy didn't even notice. "Seishirou-san?"

On impulse, and because he figured he probably wouldn't ever get the chance again, and had never done it the first time round, (something he knew he regretted, for somewhat selfish reasons), he pulled Subaru to him and leant down, pressing his lips to the coral ones of the startled onmyouji. His first thought was how soft they were. Which he then inwardly snorted at. Well wasn't he turning into quite the hopeless romantic. Subaru froze, all babbling dying in his throat, eyes wide. It wasn't exactly how he'd imagined his first kiss; Seishirou had gripped his wrist in a somewhat painful way, and he had half fallen against the older man from the force of the sudden pull. But even so, he felt a heavy blush stain his cheeks as he finally unfroze and Seishirou pulled away, smiling benignly.

The older man hummed in amusement at the look of complete and utter bewilderment on Subaru's face. The onmyouji had clearly never been kissed before, at least, not like _that_. It had lasted barely a second. Within another second they were kissing again, neither entirely sure of who moved first. In the middle of a busy street. Subaru's arms tentatively wound themselves around Seishirou's neck, and the taller of the two rested his hands on the younger's sides, before wrapping his arms around Subaru's waist, oblivious, or more specifically, uncaring, to the stares of the surrounding crowd.

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Author's note: Basically, Subaru is struggling to remember because Seishirou's spell is muddling his thoughts whenever he tries to think about it. Hence the confusion. I liked this chapter. It was almost fluffy. Unfortunately Seishirou is a stubborn prat. BUT, they kissed. That is the main thing. I love reviews!! 3

I am hoping to get this laptop fixed fairly swiftly. It's very annoying using an on-screen keyboard. Hence why this chapter is short.

_Next chapter: Seishirou is an ass, Hokuto and Subaru go back to rescue Kakyou, who becomes an integral part of the ever so slightly mad girl's plans._


	5. Tactics

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Summary: Sort of AU. Seishirou is sent back into the past by an angry Hokuto after he forces Subaru to kill him, giving him the chance to start again. The assassin however, resenting the changes to his plans, will be playing the older Sumeragi twin's game his own way. Hokuto herself has an importance of her own, and now she is alive again, retaining all memories of her death and subsequent afterlife, she'll play the game just as fiercely, leaving a confused but suspicious Subaru in the middle. Rating T, multiple storylines.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, Boy on boy. If you have a problem with yaoi or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's note: Gaaaaaaah! I'm such a terrible person! ;-; I'm sorry I kept you all waiting this long.....but I've had no internet!! That's my excuse...it isn't a very good one, I know...

I completely reworked the prologue after much deliberation, and it's changed quite a bit. For the better, I hope. You don't have to go back and read it, though, it's mainly changed to be less confusing ;)

I'll stop talking now!

_......... Advocate ........._

Seishirou mused over his morning coffee. Tapping his fingers on the worktop as he got himself ready to go back to work – and OH how he hated that veterinary practice – he sipped and let out a growl of annoyance as it burnt his lip. He should be paying more attention. He pushed the mug away as he thought about the reason for his lack of attentiveness and once again wondered why this whole situation bothered him. He was the Sakurazukamori, he shouldn't be _bothered_ by anything. He still couldn't quite fathom why he'd kissed the little green-eyed demon that haunted him (which in itself was a stupid idea – _he _ was the one supposed to be doing the haunting). Somehow Subaru had wormed his way completely into Seishirou's life, for better or worse. He knew the boy was completely head over heels for him, which of course had been the plan all along, but where did that leave him? The year was complete, plus a few extra days. Hokuto sending him back had been a spanner in the works, so why had he not just played out the scenario as it had been done the first time?

_Last time, you didn't know you loved him._

There it was again, that traitorous little voice in the back of his head telling him lies. He growled and stood, spilling the coffee across the counter with his haste. He glared at it for a few seconds, then swore creatively, kicking himself for losing his composure. In all his life, he'd been so damn calm, and the one to make him lose that carefully constructed self control was a sweet-natured sixteen year old who was by any account the complete opposite of himself. He tried to tell himself that Subaru was intriguing, and that alone, rather than the more complicated attractive, fascinating, and very much...

He cut himself off right there. Again he had dallied into unfamiliar territory, he deliberated, as he cleaned up the coffee and retrieved the handle of the mug, which had broken clean off. Shame, that had been his favourite mug. The laugh that then leapt out of his mouth was borderline hysterical. What the hell was happening to him? He shoved every single little feeling he felt towards the stupid boy that wasn't negative out of his mind. He was the _Sakurazukamori_ for goodness' sake, let's attempt to live up to the name, shall we? Grumbling, he somewhat mechanically washed up last night's dishes. Time for another exceedingly dull day at work. Setting his mind to work, and cursing Hokuto's name right out of existence, he slammed the door behind him.

_......... Advocate ........._

"Hokuto-chan, I have to be honest, this isn't one of your better plans..." Subaru muttered dubiously, many hours after Seishirou's little morning breakdown, as the twins crouched in a bush in Kakyou's extensive and stunningly beautiful front garden, His sister, however, wasn't listening. She was looking at the garden, iridescent and lovely in the moonlight, and lamenting that poor Kakyou had never even seen it. Once again she shivered with rage at the injustice of it all. There was no way that the older boy could be _that_ sick that he couldn't go outside. She'd told him over and over that nothing was absolute, and she was determined to prove that to him. Shaking her head with a little frown, she finally realised her twin was speaking to her.

"...Earth to Hokuto? Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes...sorry, Subaru-kun..." She sighed. "I was just thinking about him...and how much I have to help him. So I'm sorry if my ideas come off as a little unrealistic. I'm letting my anger and indignation cloud my judgement. That's why I brought you here, I need a cool head with me."

"That's a role reversal and a half..." Subaru quipped in an attempt to cheer his sister up. An attempt she appreciated. A smile quirked the corners of her mouth, and she gently wound her arms around him, once more delighting in that simple joy of just being able to hold him again. It was unbelievable how much she'd missed him, and how much it had pained her to watch him fall into depression. Shaking those dark thoughts away, she tried to concentrate on the situation at hand. "Well, anyway, do you have a better idea?"

"...Than bursting in and kidnapping him under their noses in a heroic attempt that will likely fail?" He replied dryly. "Probably." She smiled beautifully, patting his head. "This is why I brought you!" She whispered. "You're the one that can do sneaky magic..."

"I can't make us invisible, Hokuto-chan."

"But you CAN make us unnoticeable." She replied happily. "Don't think I don't know how you used to sneak into the kitchen and steal sweets when we were little."

"..." Subaru blinked. "Ah, I thought that was still a secret..." He muttered, blushing.

Hokuto grinned. "Come on, you didn't think I knew? Because you were always the good one? Poor innocent Subaru-kun would NEVER steal sweets..." She teased. When her twin just glared, she stuck out her tongue playfully. He smiled, then. "I still think this is a dangerous idea."

"Everything you do is dangerous." Especially when it concerns Seishirou, she added privately to herself. Watching as Subaru chanted under his breath, a slight swirling fog curling around his fingertips, she forced all thought of Seishirou from her head. When Subaru was done, and the thin fog had swallowed both dark haired teenagers, the twins moved forward, the darkness covering. As they came up alongside the house, Subaru worried, and he touched her arm. "What if they can see through my spell?" He fretted, wringing his hands as they spotted a pair of dark-suited men striding through the garden. Both wielded automatic weapons, and looked pretty no-nonsense. Hokuto scoffed. "Rubbish. You're brilliant, shut up."

"Just...stay out of sight as much as possible? Please?"

"Fine, fine, but you shouldn't worry so much." Hokuto flapped a hand at her little brother, and snuck along the wall, heading for the window. Subaru whined away behind her. "...shut, Hokuto, we can't get in..." Ignoring him, she looked through the glass, and crowed when she saw no-one inside. They may not be noticable, but if people spotted them opening a window, they'd see her, too. Like Subaru said, he couldn't make them invisible. She didn't know exactly how it worked, so she tried not to think about it. It made her brain hurt, as did most of Subaru's tricks and spells. She stood on her tiptoes and pushed open the window with a whispered spell to unlock it. She did understand some of it, she wasn't an accomplished onmyouji, but she knew enough to get by. Nimbly climbing through, she landed lightly on the other side and darted to the door, listening intently. When she'd pretended to be a maid here, she'd memorised the entire house. She knew that the corridor outside this door led to a set of servant's stairs, which opened out onto the wide landing of the second floor, where Kakyou was kept.

She winced as Subaru made a poor job of following her through, and thumped loudly against the floor, with a muffled 'ouch!' and a scowl. Hokuto glared at him, and he scowled even more. "Excuse me for not being used to breaking into houses!" He hissed as he crouched beside her. She waved a hand at him to shush him, and the pair listened for sounds of movement on the other side. Eventually, Hokuto decided it was safe to slip through. Her timing had been perfect, less than three seconds after Subaru had quietly closed the door, three people, a man and two women, walked down the corridor. Both twins froze, but their eyes merely slid over them, as though seeing them, but not actually registering what they were seeing. Hokuto cheered Subaru mentally. When she turned back, the poor boy was practically hyperventilating. She snorted. What, so he could battle evil spirits, but not break into one little houseful of criminals? Clambering up the servant's stairs, dragging her brother behind her, she focussed on Kakyou. What drew her to him, she wasn't sure, but she knew it was important.

Subaru dithered at the top of the stairs, hearing voices and panicking. For the hundredth time, Hokuto reassured him that no, they weren't able to see them, and yes, his onmyoujitsu was fine. They slipped past the people on the second floor, Hokuto again marvelling at the way their eyes passed over the twins.

She soon got grumpy when she realised they'd have to wait for everyone to leave before opening Kakyou's bedroom door. Subaru murmured something under his breath, and something crashed downstairs, loudly, soon clearing the upper landing of the two or three people on it. Hokuto shot her brother a winning smile, and they darted inside Kakyou's room, Hokuto once again making short work of the door.

_......... Advocate ........._

Subaru blinked at the fair haired boy sleeping on the floor. He could see straight away why Hokuto adored him, he was beautiful, pale and clearly a little fragile. He knew she liked to think she was a helpful influence, so of course someone like this would appeal to her. Before he could say anything, his sister was kneeling beside him. "Kyou-chan..." She murmured, stroking that long blonde hair. He blinked again at the tone of her voice and suddenly realised there was more to their relationship than he'd first suspected.

"Hokuto-chan!" The whispered reply was so full of joy at her presence Subaru had to smile as he kept watch by the door, listening intently. He glanced up and nodded briefly when Hokuto introduced him as her little brother. Kakyou stared at him for a little while, a little disconcertingly, but eventually he just said, "You really are alike..."

To which Hokuto nodded gleefully. Then, she offered her arm. "Come on, let's get you out of here..." She chirped, but Kakyou looked worried. His bright gold eyes flickered a little. "I...there will be an investigation...they'll come after me, I don't want to be any trouble...what if it all goes wrong?"

"Nonsense, Kyou-chan. We'll look after you, I promised, didn't I?" She took his hand and squeezed it affectionately. "Nothing is absolute in this world." She reminded him when he looked as though he might protest again. "Remember? I promised you I'd help you, and I like to keep my promises." She was very good at it. Pulling him out of bed until he stood next to her, a head taller, blushing a little, she waggled her finger at him in the way Subaru recognised so well. "No more pessimism."

However, Subaru was inclined to agree with Kakyou. So much could go wrong here...he gasped a little. "Hokuto-chan, there are people outside..." He pressed his ear to the door. "Er...they're coming in!" He quickly wove the spell around Kakyou, ignoring his shocked gasp as Hokuto pulled him behind the Shoji screen in the corner of the room and told him to keep quiet. On a whim, Subaru waved a hand, breaking the wire and paper screen window, hoping to make it look like someone had gotten out using the window, the idea being they wouldn't look around the room too hard. Then he squeaked as the door was thrown open, pressing himself against the wall, eyes wide. Strengthening his spell with a few mouthed words, he shook as two people entered. He spotted Hokuto's pale face watching him from behind the Shoji screen. The newcomers' eyes swept over him and he shivered, convincing himself that they'd seen him and would fire on him. He tried to tell himself that he was being daft, even if they DID see, him, they were hardly about to shoot him down where he stood.

Still. Panic was there. He listened detachedly as their raised voices announced Kakyou's apparent disappearance and watched as they ran to the window and looked down. His heart pounded, and continued pounding until they left, slamming the door behind them and presumably going to alert the entire household. For several minutes all three teenagers remained completely still, Hokuto holding Kakyou's hand and Subaru pressed against the wall, eyes slightly wild. Eventually, Hokuto let out a breath. "W...Wow...that was close. But very exciting!" Both boys looked at her like she'd gone insane. Subaru carefully peeled himself away from the wall. "It's only a matter of time until they come back in here to look for clues, we have to go..." Hokuto and Kakyou slid out from behind the Shoji screen, the girl grinning as her brother finally levelled his head and took control, as she knew he would. He frowned at the door. "There's someone outside." He whispered. "It'll have to be the window..." He paused a moment, then summoned his shikigami. Kakyou jumped as the three headed white dove materialised out of thin air and fluttered out of the window. Hokuto sent Subaru a quizzical look.

"Distraction." He muttered. Leaning out of the window, he decided the jump was one he could manage, no problem. He had jumped from higher places. They didn't have time to make a rope and climb. "Just jump. The bushes underneath are soft landing enough."

Kakyou blinked. "Are you insane? We're on the second floor."

"And this is the only way out. Hurry." Without another word, the black-clothed Subaru was out of the window and landing lightly in a crouch. He was calmer, now, as if this were any other job. There was scuffling from upstairs, presumably as Hokuto helped Kakyou change into the dark clothes they'd brought for him, and then they were with him, his sister grumbling about various bumps she'd acquired from the jump. Kakyou was silent. Subaru imagined he was having a hard time adjusting to all this. His legs gave out on him and he let out an embarrassed cry, but was quickly silenced by Hokuto, who caught him and held him up. The twins, supporting the quickly-tiring Kakyou from either side, moved silently through the garden. The pale haired boy was looking at the floor, eyelids fluttering. Subaru felt a burst of pity for him, and suddenly, he was as determined as Hokuto for this to succeed.

Later, in Hokuto's apartment, he watched as she laid him carefully in her bed. Kakyou fell asleep almost immediately, completely overwhelmed by the events of the evening. Hokuto expressed to her brother her fear that he'd panic when he woke up, while Subaru was more concerned about the inevitable manhunt. He was from a rich family after all, and a corrupt one, at that. They sat and drank hot chocolate together, musing about their actions, and how difficult life was going to be for Kakyou. He was nineteen, it was within his right to be away from his family, but while he was so weak and unable to care for himself...they had dominion over him. Both siblings were beginning to realise the enormity of what they'd just done. And Kakyou Kuzuki slept on in the next room.

By the time Subaru crossed the corridor, got back to his apartment and collapsed into bed, exhausted, it was nearing two in the morning.

_......... Advocate ........._

Subaru's emotions were even easier to read when he slept. Seishirou, cloaked in the shadows and darkness of the onmyouji's room, sneered at this. He also thought it amusing how the boy didn't even sense his presence. Or he did, but he just assumed it was a dream...

Crouching beside Subaru, he let his hand trail down the sleeping boy's face, which scrunched a little in reaction. Letting him go, Seishirou watched him, silently, as his peaceful sleep turned a little sour. A frown creased his forehead and he uttered a little cry, tossing in the sheets, flinging one hand out in front of him, perhaps to protect him from some vicious dream-ghost. A small smirk lifted the corners of Seishirou's mouth. He was back on form. No silly plot of Hokuto's could change who he was, and nothing she could do would stop him tearing Subaru apart. And enjoy every second.

He left, melting into the darkness, abandoning the boy to his 'memories'.

Subaru twisted in his sleep, whining a little. His dreamscape was dark, and cold, and scary, and an air of malevolence washed over him, making him shiver. An apparition of Seishirou appeared in front of him, and he made as though to head for the man, but something stopped him, held him in an iron grip, unfriendly and unyielding. Twisting in its grip, he shrieked, eyes wide with horror at the scene unfolding in front of him.

_No! Seishirou! Don't kill Hokuto! Please!_

_Sakurazukamori._ The whisper repeated itself over and over again as dream-Seishirou murdered his sister with cold, unfeeling eyes. Images began to flash in front of his eyes, and he choked with fear as he watched a young man burn his mark into a little boy's hands..._his_ hands...more images. Shouting and screaming filled his ears as two dark haired men fought a desperate battle, high on a bridge he recognised. They fought, one fuelled by hatred and despair, the other with a cool nonchalance. He saw the face of another boy, contorted in horror and fear. _Kamui_. It sprung unbidden into his mind. He blinked back tears, confusion filling him. Kamui? But all that...that battle wasn't going to take place for years! He screamed and once again tried to wriggle free of whatever held him in place. He turned to look, and let out a howl of disbelief. Seshirou held his arms in an intensely painful grip.

_No! Let go! What are you doing?_

He struggled, and the man only held on tighter, a nasty smirk painting his face. He squeezed harder, and Subaru cried out, realising with a thrill of horror that he was covered in blood. The smell of it invaded his nose, and he screamed as it trickled into his eyes. He remembered being struck, kicked and broken, but couldn't place the memory. He thrashed in Seishirou's unyielding grip, and the man twisted on his arm, which broke with a loud snap. He shrieked in pain, screwing his eyes shut and shaking. Voices, horrible, sneering voices, echoed in his head.

"_I have never felt anything in particular..."_

"_...And if you did become special to me, even just slightly...I would not kill you. But...it appears to have all been for naught."_

"_Because, seeing you suffer like this...I feel nothing."_

And Subaru cried out then, he screamed and screamed and screamed against the voices in his head as those images flashed through his mind again and again. Hokuto. Seishirou's smile as he killed her. The two people – _him and Seishirou_ – fighting to the death. His hands seared with a burning pain, and with a lingering whisper of "_Sakurazukamori..."_ He woke, still shrieking, tears running down his face.

"...baru-kun! Subaru-kun!" The anxious face of his sister swam above him, but the only place he could look was the backs of his somehow ungloved hands, which burnt a bright red, twin inverted pentagrams searing his skin and sending shooting bursts of pain up his arms. He couldn't help it, he cried out again, eyes wide with horror and fear, unaware of Hokuto's attempts to soothe him.

The girl eyed the burning marks on the backs of Subaru's hands, livid red and flaring with a hellish glow. White-faced, she realised with a gasp of horror that Seishirou wasn't going to let her win so easily. Silently cursing him and rocking her brother, she shook slightly as she began to realise that he could still hurt her brother despite acknowledging the love he felt for him. She had been stupid to think mere realisation would change him. Still...what sort of man was he?

_......... Advocate ........._

Author's note: So we finally get an idea of Seishirou's plan.

...I'm going to be updating this faster. I promise. Thanks to my friend Loz, and all the new reviewers, for keeping me upbeat about the future of this story :). I love you all. ALSO. Kakyou's age. It's right. I looked up how old he's supposed to be, and he's 25 in 1999, two years older than Subaru. :) So he'd be 18 or 19 during Tokyo Babylon.

_Next chapter: Kakyou gets to know Subaru, while Seishirou continues to haunt his dreams and ends up making him question his sanity._


	6. Pawn

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Summary: Sort of AU. Seishirou is sent back into the past by an angry Hokuto after he forces Subaru to kill him, giving him the chance to start again. The assassin however, resenting the changes to his plans, will be playing the older Sumeragi twin's game his own way. Hokuto herself has an importance of her own, and now she is alive again, retaining all memories of her death and subsequent afterlife, she'll play the game just as fiercely, leaving a confused but suspicious Subaru in the middle. Rating T, multiple storylines.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, male-male. If you have a problem with shounen-ai or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's note: Okay, I get it. Epic fail on updating. I haven't lost the plot on this story, I promise!! There's still a note on my desktop reminding me of plot points! Apologies, and hope you like the chapter, although no much reeeeally happens, it isn't until the next one where things start to get more...frantic.

......... Advocate .........

Chapter Five: Pawn

Subaru stared blankly out of the window, resisting the urge to scratch the backs of his hands. The marks were no longer burning, but the scars remained, and he no longer wore the gloves, as morbidly fascinated as he was by the Sakurazukamori's symbols. They were livid on his hands, red and menacing, and always, without fail, reminding him that he was marked for death. A soft sigh. He had, much to the horror of his sister, cancelled all his jobs for that day, something the hard working onmyouji wouldn't have ever considered under normal circumstances.

A gentle knock. He gave no indication he heard, but his sister came in anyway, of course. "Hokuto-chan..." He acknowledged without turning around. Both siblings were quiet for a while. Eventually, if only to break the tense silence, Hokuto spoke. "Subaru-kun? Have you eaten anything yet today?" She sat beside him with a frown as he guiltily shook his head. The girl sighed and dragged him, pyjamas and all, downstairs and across the hall to her own apartment, ignoring her twin's squeak of embarrassment. She'd already fixed him something to eat, having known he wouldn't have bothered. "Come and eat. Now." She said commandingly.

"I'm not – "

"Yes you are."

A slight laugh from the plush sofa in the corner of the room made Subaru blink and glance up. Kakyou was sprawled out on it, on his front, one of Hokuto's books in his hands. The easy smile and tired, but lively amber eyes suddenly made him want to grin. He had done this. He'd helped make the other boy happy. This made him feel a little better, and he sank into one of Hokuto's chairs gratefully, accepting the bowl of noodle soup she shoved into his hands. He began to eat, eventually, ignoring his sister's clucking and accusations of waiting for the stuff to go cold. Hokuto threw a wink at Kakyou, whose eyes sparkled even more at the flirty gesture. Subaru watched the interplay between them, and was dragged back into thoughts of his own convoluted relationship with Seishirou. They caused a lot of raised eyebrows when they were seen together, and the very idea of two men together was...well, bizarre. His grandmother would never speak to him again. A smile briefly flared on his lips when he remembered telling the woman adamantly that he wouldn't be having children, ever. She had laughed, then. But he wouldn't if he ended up with Seishirou...

Ended up with Seishirou? Oh, so now he was turning some...some crush into a full blown lifelong relationship? What was he fantasizing about? He snorted and shook himself a little. Hokuto poked his forehead. "Hello? Earth to Subaru...what are you thinking about?"

"Seishirou-san..." He blurted before he could stop himself. Then, he blushed. Hokuto simply giggled, covering up the fears that instinctively trickled into her head. Kakyou, on the other hand, went quiet, a frown creasing his forehead. Subaru missed both, having covered his blushing face with his hands. All the embarrassment had not removed his own fears, regardless. He still had no idea if his dreams were simply the product of too much sweet food (not that he ate much) or if they genuinely were trying to tell him something.

_But why, then, did they seem like...memories?_

......... Advocate .........

Kakyou frowned, recognising the name, and suddenly, inexplicably knowing who the man Subaru spoke of was. He'd had visions of the battles between the dragons of Heaven and the dragons of Earth – he was one himself, much to his chagrin. He knew all about it, and whilst he knew to hold his tongue and let destiny run its course, he couldn't help but feel sorry for the boy who'd helped him escape. If he was a better person, he'd tell Subaru everything.

But he wasn't. He still feared fate, and wondered how much Hokuto had already changed with her exuberance and determination to make everyone's life better. She certainly seemed to be rooting for her brother and Seishirou, and she'd gotten Kakyou out of his home before he'd had the chance to be forcibly enlisted into the battle for the fate of the Earth, whenever that battle would take place. He was pulled from his thoughts when he realised that Hokuto must have noticed his sudden vacancy. "Eh, everyone's zoning out on me! Boys are so useless!"

She had her hands on her hips when Kakyou finally turned to look at her. She was grinning at him, green eyes sparkling with mirth, and wonderfully crazy cat outfit hugging her skinny frame. He blushed when he realised he was smiling at her like a loon and staring. She was the only girl he'd ever met outside of his dreams, and there was no question that he found her incredibly attractive. Not only were she and her brother physically beautiful, Hokuto was sunny and radiant, with a striking, independent personality and a big heart. The older boy blinked, blushing and turning away. Of course he'd find her attractive, she was the only girl he'd ever met who wasn't his mother, for goodness sake...

Hokuto made a huffing noise and flounced off, muttering something about 'idiot, spacey boys', leaving Kakyou lying on the couch, and Subaru hovering by the window, staring out of it distantly. Kakyou vaguely remembered dreams of both of their future selves, himself, and Subaru, and wondered if those dreams would come to pass. He used to trust them implicitly...and he used to think he knew everything that would happen _before_ it happened...but the twins barging into his life and 'rescuing' him from his own mother had completely taken him by surprise. Not that he was ungrateful, of course, although he was terrified that his mother would send half the mafia after him. He scrutinised Subaru, wondering why Hokuto had dragged him over here in his pyjamas. The boy was looking hollow, and tired, and Kakyou wondered what was wrong with him. He hadn't 'seen' much of Subaru's early life, only brief flashes when their paths were supposed to cross later on in their lives.

"Are you alright?" He asked eventually, natural shyness making his voice sound disgustingly small and quiet.

Subaru glanced up, startled at the quiet, dreamy question. He'd discovered that this was how Kakyou spoke, and he imagined that it was probably the same with any dreamseer. He was secretly fascinated by the tall, pale blonde boy, and was pleased that Hokuto had met him and subsequently decided to let the older boy move in with them. He knew she watched the news like a hawk, waiting for anything suspicious that might suggest Kakyou had people looking for him. "Yes...I'm fine..." he answered, belatedly remembering the other had asked him a question. Kakyou cocked his head. "But you're not, are you?" He said perceptively. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be round here in your pyjamas, looking like death and staring out of the window with a moody expression on your face."

Subaru blinked at him, and sighed. "Maybe. I'm just...it's just bad dreams, that's all."

"You can't tell someone like me it's 'just' dreams." Kakyou suddenly laughed, and he was surprised at the sound of it. He wasn't used to laughing, which struck him as extremely depressing. He pushed himself off the sofa and made his way embarrassingly slowly over to Subaru. He still struggled to move very far, and even simple activities like walking tired him out. Ever-helpful Hokuto had researched it and told him that he probably had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and of course, she'd try to find out if this was something common to dreamseers like him. A faint smile. He leant against the wall next to the window. "What do you dream about?"

The young onmyouji looked up at the taller boy, biting his lip. "Don't laugh. I dream about Seishirou-san – but not in the way you think!" He said quickly, blushing. Kakyou quirked his lips, but said nothing, waiting patiently.

"In my dreams...he's...he's my enemy. He does terrible things, like..." A shudder, and Subaru shook himself. "In my dreams, he kills Hokuto."

At this point, Kakyou had to turn away a little to stop the boy catching the colour drain from his face. He'd seen flickers of that event, too, and he'd suspected and feared that these snatches were leading up to a full blown vision where he'd have to watch his Hokuto die at the hands of the Sakurazukamori. He inwardly cursed Subaru's naivety. He was having these dreams about a man with the name Sakurazuka. How blind could he be? The worst part was, he had a feeling both he and Hokuto knew exactly who he was, there was no way that girl would miss something like that. Kakyou eyed the marks on the backs of the younger boy's hands. Was Subaru seriously that dense, or was he just...hoping all his suspicions were wrong? Kakyou frowned. "In my experience, that would tell me to keep your sister a hundred miles away from him." He said plainly.

"I know." Subaru whispered. "But..." A deep sigh. "She's the one who's always telling me to go out with him, or go over to his apartment for lunch...and what if these dreams are just...manifestations of my own paranoia?" He looked o frustrated that Kakyou reached out and rested a hand on his shoulder. "You can't know. You're not like me, you're not compelled to believe everything you dream."

"Sometimes they don't feel like dreams. Sometimes...in fact...all the time, they just...feel like memories. As if I've already lived through them."

At this, Kakyou was stumped. "Hmm...Well, there I'm afraid you've slipped out of my area of expertise." He murmured with a yawn. "But if I were you, I'd try to find out what Seishirou Sakurazuka is hiding." Subaru was clearly startled by this, and he blinked curiously at Kakyou. "I don't remember telling you his full name..."

"No, because you didn't." Kakyou agreed, returning to his couch and picking up his book, leaving Subaru to wonder whether Hokuto had told him, or if Kakyou had just known who he was talking about. The younger boy watched him for a while, a very slight frown on his face.

......... Advocate .........

That night, Subaru was afraid to go to sleep. He instead pored over books on onmyoujitsu and the Sakurazukamori, bedside lamp shedding false, dim light over his shoulder. He glanced at his clock every ten minutes, frustrated that the night was passing so slowly. He was soon absorbed, however, reading about the Sakura tree the infamous assassin clan were supposedly bonded to. He read how it would call for its victims, and how the Sakurazukamori was bound to oblige. He also read how, apparently, the assassin clan were bound to serve the Japanese government, and take care of its enemies. For the first time he wondered if the Sakurazukamori were not so bloodthirsty and ruthless after all. Perhaps it was just a job. He then realised he was wrong when he read an entire chapter on the ingrained bloodthirsty nature of the clan, and the fact that they were genetically prone to enjoyment of their position. A groan. "Lovely..." He murmured.

"Isn't it?" An unmistakeable voice purred from behind him, and Subaru, startled, suddenly felt the weight of broad hands on his bare shoulders. A quick glance confirmed what the slick feel of them had already told him – they were covered in blood. His yelp of revulsion was covered by one of Seishirou's hands straight away, and the smell of it filled his nose. He gagged, trying to pull away, heart and mind racing away with him. Seishirou leant very close and murmured, "It's true, you know, little Subaru-kun. We do love to kill. I live for it, it isn't just a job..." A light, amused chuckle, and Subaru squirmed, overwhelmed with such a tirade of emotions, and Seishirou's big hand still covering his mouth and nose, he was struggling to breathe...

The man's other hand trailed down his arm, and held his hand, deceptively gentle. "So pretty and fragile..." He murmured, kissing the boy's neck. Subaru froze, shivering uncontrollably at the feel of the older man's lips touching his skin. It felt wrong, even though he knew his teenage self longed for that kind of touch from Seishirou. Long, slender fingers stroked his arm, and then his hip, leaving smears of blood on his skin, and his pyjama bottoms.

Then, the Sakurazukamori was gone, and Subaru started awake, head pillowed on his book. He let out a gasp, taking huge mouthfuls of air into his somehow straining lungs. His breath continued to come in pants that sounded hideously loud in the empty room. His light was off, and the inverted pentagrams on his hands were glowing slightly, filling his bedroom with an eerie half light. He must have fallen asleep. His mind raced, and he let out a whimper, staring around in the dark, trying to see if anyone was there, and checking to see if the blood he'd seen and felt being smeared on him was still there. Which of course, it wasn't. That creeping feeling of being watched was back, and he was trying so hard to understand what was happening. Retreating to his bed, he decided to blame it on his tiredness, and reluctantly lay back on his bed. Lying there staring at the ceiling, he began to question himself. Was this just him being paranoid, like he'd told Kakyou? Or was he just being played with by his very own predator? A glance at his hands. Subaru squirmed, feeling slightly sick. Seishirou Sakurazuka. Kakyou was right, these dreams were telling him something, and he knew exactly what that was.

So why couldn't he admit it to himself?

......... Advocate .........

Seishirou waited patiently for the child to fall asleep, a grin on his face. Molesting the boy while he was about to collapse from fatigue had been supremely satisfying. And of course, Subaru simply believed it to be a dream, because he'd 'woken up' to find no evidence of Seishirou's presence. Once Subaru was asleep, he watched the bad dreams plague him. There was no need to plant the illusions, now, Subaru's own mind was doing all the work. He was so worked up and paranoid that the dreams came without Seishirou's 'assistance'. However, the feeling he should have been getting from all this was not there. Nor was the pleasure he normally felt upon torturing someone half way to insanity. What _was_ there was a sort of dried-out, hollow feeling.

A frown of irritation. The better half of Seishirou knew exactly why that was, and the not-so-better half was just plain annoyed about it. The man watched his young friend toss and turn, and even cry out in his sleep. He was the cause of the boy's helplessness. The thought should have made him pleasantly gleeful, but it just made him feel like an asshole. He was used to hurting people, but he was _not_ used to feeling bad about it. A huff. Damn Hokuto and her oh-so-accurate predictions.

Seishirou couldn't help it; he moved over to Subaru and sat down on the bed, frowning at the boy. He laid one hand on the little onmyouji's damp forehead and eased his sleep, a trick he usually reserved for calming down hysterical victims he couldn't be bothered to deal with before killing them. He watched the boy visibly relax and fall into a deep, untroubled slumber, and then blinked at his own highly confusing actions. He knew exactly why he couldn't help but fluctuate between wanting to toy with Subaru, and wanting to sit with him and ease his suffering, he just didn't want to have to deal with it. He sighed frustratedly, unconsciously stroking Subaru's hair. Something was going to give sooner or later. It would be a race between his own conflicted emotions, Subaru's sanity, and Hokuto's patience.

Unable to stop himself, he pressed a kiss to Subaru's forehead, one slender, marked hand in his own. "I do love you, you know." He murmured. It was safe to say it while the boy was asleep, he decided. Of course, to admit this to Subaru would go against his very nature, and he wasn't willing to deal with the consequences of it. He wasn't exactly sure how long he sat with the onmyouji, idly stroking his hair, and suddenly felling very, very tired of this game.

......... Advocate .........

Author's rambling: FUU. Done. Finally. This chapter has been giving me HELL. Nothing really happens in it, so it was hard to reach my word count and not kill myself along the way. HOWEVER, the next chapter is almost finished (idiot wrote it before she finished this one) and should be out soon. XD

By the way. I love love love writing young!Kakyou. This way I get to do what I like with him, and give him, oh, I don't know, A LIFE.

LOVE TO ALL MY VERY VERY PATIENT REVIEWERS....LIKE....MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF LOVE...

_Next Chapter: Subaru finally clues in, and the consequences are not pretty. Kakyou realises that his mother won't let him go quite so easily._


	7. Match Point

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Rating T, multiple storylines.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, Boy on boy. If you have a problem with yaoi or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's note: I know it's been a very, very long time. I'm sorry, life just...really got in the way! I've probably lost all my readers by now, but after a new review from Lucia asking me to continue, I realised that there are some of you out there who really want this to be finished! The same goes for Abyssus, so as of now, I'm putting aside time to finish first this story, and then Abyssus. I WILL finish both.

_... Advocate ..._

Chapter Six: Match Point

Someone knocked softly on Subaru's door, three days after the younger Sumeragi sibling had last dreamt of Seishirou as the Sakurazukamori. He found it very odd and frustrating that suddenly, the dreams had been cut off, and he couldn't help but suspect something, or someone, was controlling what he saw. In fact, he felt it was almost a certainty. Once again, he had that niggling suspicion he knew who it was, as well.

"Come in..." He called, thinking it was Hokuto. In fact, it was Kakyou who entered, holding something in his hand. Subaru blinked at it curiously when the older boy held it up. "It's...a dreamcatcher." He said awkwardly. "Hokuto went and bought it, but she told me to bring it over because it was my idea..." Subaru took the little thing, which was delicately woven, and an incredibly thoughtful little gift. He grinned and blushed. "Thank you...that's sweet. Come and sit down."

Kakyou did so, gratefully, sinking into the couch with a yawn.

"It must be frustrating being so tired all the time..." Subaru murmured, playing with the little trinket and glancing up at Kakyou. The older boy shrugged. "Not so much when you're used to it...Hokuto's been so good, getting me up and making me walk everywhere." The grin on Kakyou's face when he said Subaru's sister's name spoke volumes. The younger twin could tell straight away that the other boy was completely and utterly in love with Hokuto. He thought he should be more suspicious of anyone pursuing his sister, but there was something so delightfully naive and innocent about Kakyou that both he and his sister found endearing. "Last week, I wouldn't have been able to get over here unassisted..."

"I'm glad you think we – " Subaru trailed off as both boys caught Kakyou's name on the television screen buzzing quietly away in the corner. The onmyouji went for the remote, and turned up the volume.

"...missing now for three days." The reporter was saying, and Kakyou recognised the house behind him with a grimace. "Police continue to believe that the youngster, who is terminally ill and confined to his bed, has been kidnapped, though as yet, no ransom message has come forward."

Subaru could feel the embarrassment radiating from the pale blonde. He saw the boy's face twist into a scowl – or what he presumed was Kakyou's half hearted attempt at one – when his mother appeared on screen with a tearful plea for his safe return, complete with a description of the boy's ill-health. Kakyou sniffed from his seat on the couch. "Like she cares. You want to be careful, Subaru, they know of you, they might come and ask _you_ to find me."

"Ah, that would be awkward...I'm a horrid liar." The two boys shared a nervous laugh, and Subaru mentally started a countdown in his head. Three...two...one...

Sure enough, Hokuto burst through the door, seething. "KIDNAP? Did you hear what that witch is saying about us? We do not KIDNAP, we rescue! And those fake tears, honestly!" She sat down on the couch and huffed, grabbing Kakyou's hand. "We won't let her get you back, don't worry." Subaru covered a laugh at the blatant adoration on the blonde's face as he squeezed his sister's hand gratefully.

_... Advocate ..._

Hours later, after Kakyou had retreated to her bedroom (she had given it to him, despite his pleas for her to keep it and give him the couch) to nap, and Subaru had been convinced to go back to work – or at least shoved out of the door with a threat – Hokuto relaxed in the living room. The quiet allowed her to think, which was not necessarily a good thing. She groaned, thumping her head on the table as, predictably, she started to worry about Subaru, and the effect her little competition with Seishirou was having on him. The man was playing dirty, and not rolling over and accepting her judgement like a good boy.

Still, she hadn't really expected the assassin to bend to her will. A familiar sound shook her from the fruitless thought-train, and she looked up from her tea in surprise as the door swung open, blinking. "You know, usually, common courtesy dictates that you knock before entering someone's house."

"Aw. What happened to the days when I could walk in and you'd leap off the chair and hug me?" Seishirou responded with his signature winning grin.

Hokuto promptly wiped it from his face with a deadpan, "_You_ happened to them, you arrogant git." The man rolled his eyes, and walked over to her. Irritation registered in his amber eye when again, she didn't even flinch. "What? Still expecting me to quake in fear before your almighty assassin-ness? Think again." A snort of derision. She was consistently smug about her verbal one-upmanship, and that wasn't stopping any time soon. It was something of a benign punishment for his systematic ruination of both her and her brother's lives, but she liked to think she wasn't the sort of person to hold a grudge.

Seishirou let out a grunt of irritation. "You know, I could be happily dead by now. I should be. I wanted to be. You know how difficult you've made my position?"

"Yes. And I don't care. Don't get me wrong, I love you, you know that! But I love Subaru more, and this is about his happiness."

"He doesn't seem very happy right now."

"Well, that's your fault, you're not playing ball."

"I never promised I would." Seishirou reminded.

"I was sort of hoping you'd get the hint. I know you're working it out, don't think I don't. All that's stopping you giving into everything you want is your stupid pride. You don't want to admit that you were in denial ever since you MET Subaru. You've always loved him, I could tell. Just like I always knew exactly who you were."

"Then why did you advocate our relationship right from the beginning?"

"BECAUSE. I wanted to." Hokuto couldn't explain it, not properly. She was just aware of threads of fate tying her brother and this man together, and they were not all about their last names.

"Then you were foolish."

"No! You're the stupid one!"

"...What exactly do you want me to do, Hokuto? Sit him down and tell him everything? That is't going to happen, not least because I'm not keen on being in the room when he finds out how much you...we've been...how much he's been being lied to and manipulated! This isn't fair on him!" Seishirou stopped, turning an odd colour, and Hokuto jumped to her feet.

"You see? You care, you do! Otherwise you wouldn't say that!"

"...That is not what I was getting at." Seishirou salvaged. "I can't just talk to him about all this, it's gone too far. I know what it's like to have your memories withheld, and trust me, it hurts getting them back. Not just emotionally, but physically. It will HURT him, and I only say that because I know I don't want to be on the receiving end of his inevitable anger."

Hokuto clenched her fists. She knew he was right, each day that slipped by was making this lie bigger and bigger. "It would have been so easy..." She lamented. "But you're just being stupid about this!"

_... Advocate ..._

Subaru blinked at the raised voices, hand poised ready to turn the handle to his sister's living room and enter. He'd never had any intention of following her orders and going back to work, after all. What was Seishirou-san doing in his sister's apartment? When he heard his own name, he frowned, and let his hand drop. Pressing his ear against the door, he listened intently. He knew it was rude to eavesdrop, but what could Hokuto and Seishirou-san be talking about concerning him, and in such bitter voices?

"...being stupid about this! Subaru's going to find out sooner or later, and then what? He'll flip!"

"Don't look at me, this was your BRILLIANT plan." Seishirou was snarling in response. "You're a fool if you don't think he's going to hate you for lying to him."

"Who's the biggest liar here? Oh, yes, YOU, you pig-headed, obnoxious bastard!"

Subaru blinked. He'd hardly ever heard his sister swear. But...Seishirou...he was lying? And so was Hokuto? To him? Anger welled up, but he forced it down so he could listen to their conversation without blowing up.

"Maybe I am, but you, brat, fucked with things that shouldn't be fucked with just to get us back to this point. You're the one whose meddling has changed everything in our lives. Was it really for Subaru's benefit? Or was it for Kakyou's?"

A sharp intake of breath told Subaru that his sister was deeply offended by this comment.

"How dare you?" She snarled. "Everything I've done has been for Subaru, I hardly ever asked him for anything, and now that one selfish thing I asked of him in sixteen years, you're going to call me out on? How is that fair?"

"You tell me, Hokuto-chan. Everything was going just fine for me, you know, I most definitely didn't ask to be brought back."

"You DIED! How was that a fitting conclusion for any of that shit you pulled in our last lifetime? You made him KILL you, I fail to understand how that even constitutes 'going fine'!"

Last lifetime? Made him...

Something clicked in Subaru's head, and suddenly, he could remember, his head searing with agonising pain. It was as if a trigger had been pulled inside his mind, and he sucked in a gasp, covering the scream he knew would alert the two in the living room to his presence. Memories flooded him, overwhelmingly and painfully, and he stumbled, back hitting the wall. He could suddenly remember everything, all those things that had happened in his dreams, Seishirou murdering Hokuto, years of psychological and physical torture, a fierce battle over a bridge that resulted in the older man's death, and his own 'promotion' to the post of Sakurazukamori. He let out a small, dry sob. Finally he understood. The reason his dreams seemed so much like memories was because that was what they _were_. He felt utterly confused. If he could remember this, and he was in his sixteen year old body again...

Oh God. He moaned as he remembered just days ago being with Seishirou in the hospital room, and how confused he was at the illusion, which he now knew for what it was. Confusion and disbelief coursed through him as he realised that Hokuto had been hiding this from him. For her to be having the argument she was having...she'd kept the truth from him, all this time.

And...Seishirou! The man was a liar! It _had_ been him in the dreams, he'd known it all along, but he'd been so desperately hoping he had been wrong...

Eyes burning with fury and betrayal, he slammed the door open and marched into the room, not noticing how the temperature dropped drastically and the atmosphere seemed to darken as he did so.

_... Advocate ..._

It was this temperature drop that Seishirou noticed first, and it was with a strong sense of doom that he looked up to see the onmyouji that made his life so difficult surge into the room. Even he baulked from the expression on the boy's face – he must have overheard enough to trigger his latent memories, because that expression, that dark fury, was one that had no place on a sixteen year old's face.

For a long time he didn't say a thing, apparently unable to form the right words. He visibly trembled with a myriad of emotions, all of which were vibrant in his vivid green eyes: hurt betrayal, fear, pain and anger. Such anger, there was a rage there that was responsible for the temperature drop and the darkening of the atmosphere.

It occurred to Seishirou that he'd chosen a pretty good heir in their last lifetime, Subaru, even in this diminutive, adorable form, cut a menacing figure, eyes practically spitting daggers and fire where he stood, fists clenched at his sides. He was dressed in plain jeans and a black button down shirt instead of one of Hokuto's crazy outfits, and this too made him think of the much older Subaru. It was difficult to take his sixteen year old self seriously at times, what with his easy bowing to Hokuto's eccentricities, but right now, taking him seriously was exactly what Seishirou was going to do.

"Subaru-kun..."

"Don't you DARE 'Subaru-kun' me!" Apparently Seishirou's voice had triggered the onmyouji's ability to speak. "I don't think I even know what to say right now." The most terrifying part was that, despite the fury in his stance, Subaru's voice was deadly calm. "I don't know if I can find the words." He shook his head.

Beside Seishirou, Hokuto hopped from one foot to the other. "I wanted to tell you...I knew I should have...but I..." She was interrupted as Subaru enveloped her in a fierce hug. She stopped short, blinking in surprise.

He shook his head. "Don't think I've forgiven you. This is just...I just...remember how much it hurt when I lost you..." Hokuto let out a little hiccup in response, eyes wide, hands shaking as she hugged him back. Seishirou wondered if perhaps even she hadn't quite known the extent of the psychological ramifications of her actions. Eventually, he pushed her away, ignoring her plea and her whisper of his name. He turned green eyes, now horrifically blank, to Seishirou. "You must have been having a good laugh about this."

Ah. Of course, now he knew _everything_. The whole truth. That was...decidedly awkward.

"I knew it was stupid to ignore my instincts, just because I thought I cared for you..." A brief flicker of intense emotional conflict behind those vivid eyes. "I never should have trusted you." A half-sob, half-gasp escaped his lips, and Subaru turned away, staring at the wall. "If you ever come near me again, I _will_ kill you."

The sound of the door slamming behind the onmyouji as he whirled around and disappeared from sight was loud enough to rattle the ornaments on Hokuto's table. Both she and Seishirou winced.

"...Well. He's stronger than he looks." The assassin said magnanimously. Hokuto, in an eerily similar fashion to her brother, rounded on him with a snarl of fury.

"FIX THIS!" She screeched, actually going as far as to place her hands on his shoulders and shake him. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! NOW HE'S MAD AT BOTH OF US! THIS WAS THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY HE COULD HAVE FOUND OUT, AND _YOU_ HAVE TO FIX IT!" Terror lay behind her anger. She was afraid she's pushed her twin far enough away that he might not come back again.

"Me? What possible reason could I have for wanting to follow your silly, naive little brother out of that door?" He eventually responded.

Hokuto smirked triumphantly. "Because even though you're a cruel, twisted bastard, you KNOW that you've fallen in love with him."

_... Advocate ..._

Author's notes: SO. Subaru finally figures everything out. And it's about time. I know it's been very frustrating for me having him so wonderfully clueless, so it was bound to end sooner or later...it was also high time Hokuto got to shout at Seishirou some more. She does it so well. :D

_Next chapter: Seishirou deliberates, Subaru shows him exactly how pissed off he is, and Hokuto wonders how they're going to fix it, while Kakyou tries to pacify her twin._

A note about next chapter. There will be a brief appearance by Mirei and Miyatake. Those who have not seen the Tokyo Babylon OVA will not be familiar with these two characters. Mirei is a good friend of Subaru's, they worked on a case together in the OVA. Miyatake is her partner-lover-etc.


	8. Break

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Rating T, multiple storylines.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, Boy on boy. If you have a problem with yaoi or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's note: Finally caught an hour or two to work on this between essays! Enjoy!

**Before we go on, spare a thought for Japan, where of course, this fiction is set. My thoughts and prayers are with them in this very dark hour.**

_... Advocate ..._

Chapter Seven: Break

Subaru couldn't think. He walked blindly, ignoring the rain lashing against his face, trying to make sense of the swarm of memories and thoughts assailing his tortured mind. How...how had...he just couldn't grasp it all. One minute he was sixteen, then...memories from another lifetime, another seven years...he could SEE it, he could see Seishirou breaking his arm like it was a twig snapping, kicking him in the stomach to prove how little he cared for him...he watched Hokuto's death play over and over, and let out a half sob. A little voice in the back of his head was screaming at him, he'd left her alone with him!

Even as he turned to go back, he stopped short, dithering, clothes plastered to his thin body by the driving rain. No. He couldn't go back. He couldn't face them, either of them. Hokuto had known everything too, and that...just made everything worse. Fresh tears spilled down his cheeks, and he cursed his pathetic self. Trying to convince himself to get a grip, he turned again and carried on walking, suppressing a shiver. Once or twice, he passed another person – they hurried past, umbrellas out and coats drawn tight around their shoulders, set on getting out of the foul weather, ignoring the small teenager with the broken expression and mournful eyes, out in the rain without a jacket, on his own.

All too suddenly, he realised he wasn't sure where he was. He was certain that in the daylight, without the fog of tears hindering his eyesight, he would know, but right now, he just couldn't bring himself to work it out. Which presented something of a problem, because he was freezing, and soaked to the skin, and it finally occurred to him that he was in very real danger of catching hypothermia. Common sense pushed misery aside for a moment, and he huddled against the closest building, hunching over as he scrabbled for his phone.

He faltered when he finally managed to get it out of his pocket. Who would he call? Scrolling through the contact list, a sense of hopelessness overwhelmed him as he passed name after name. Hokuto was out, as was any other member of his family. He couldn't deal with that right now. Seishirou's name prompted a shudder and an angry cry. The odd school friend popped up, but there was no-one he was close enough with he could call...it was always...always Seishirou...

Mirei-sama.

Subaru blinked. He'd forgotten he had the woman's number in his phone. The pretty young Mirei with her hands that could sense things, and her kind smile...they'd helped each other, once, and met up once or twice to check in and catch up. She would help him. She had to, he didn't think he could call anyone else.

Still, it took him several minutes to press the call button.

"Hello?" A male voice answered the phone, and for a moment, Subaru was thrown. He shivered, blinking, trying to clear the haze in his mind, before alighting upon the answer. Miyatake-san. Mirei's fiancé. Subaru had had a little to do with setting them up, actually.

"M...Miyatake-san?" His voice was small, and came out as a bit of a sob, which, though embarrassing, Subaru couldn't find the energy to be too annoyed about.

Silence. Then, a short gasp. "Subaru-kun? Is that you? Are you alright, what's wrong?" A short scuffle, and another friendly voice echoed from the receiver. "Subaru-kun! It's Mirei, are you alright?" Concern radiated from her voice, a voice that put Subaru at ease, if only a little.

"M...Mirei-chan...I...something happened...I just...I don't really know where I am, and I don't..." He broke off with a slight choke. "...I don't know what to do..."

_... Advocate ..._

Seishirou had never been faced with a problem he couldn't fix before. He didn't think he liked not knowing how to fix this one. Initially, Hokuto's statement had knocked him for six. He'd been struggling with his own latent emotions for weeks thanks to Subaru, but for Hokuto to shout it like that...it really hit home. Their game seemed so cruel, now that its subject had discovered their secrecy, and was probably out in the rain still, wandering around. And likely in tears. That stung a little. All the times Seishirou had seen (and revelled in) Subaru crying his eyes out, it had never hurt before. Now, it was painful to think about him in such a state.

At that moment he wanted to curse Hokuto to hell and back. Trying to figure out what was going on in his head was making it hurt. A lot. A small part of him still revelled in the knowledge that he had devastated the young Sumeragi heir, but it was a part the rest of him was starting to...dare he say it...disregard. Hate, even. He suddenly remembered two very different events in his life he had previously forgotten – first when Subaru showed up on his doorstep, in hysterics over a lie he'd told a grieving mother. His reasons had been well-justified and intended to help the woman move on, but the lie itself had eaten at the almost disturbingly kind onmyouji. He'd sat with Subaru, letting the younger occupy his lap as he stroked his face and told him everything would be alright.

Subaru had fallen asleep in his bed that night. Seishirou wasn't sure why this was important, but it was. The second memory was recent...well. In this timeline at least. He remembered the first time Subaru had come to see him after he'd lost his eye; he'd been crying then too, begging forgiveness. Seishirou winced. If there was anyone in this world who shouldn't need to beg forgiveness for anything, it was Subaru. He realised now, looking back, that actually, seeing Subaru come to him when he was upset, seeing him sad because Seishirou had been hurt...it meant more to him than he'd thought possible. There was more there than just satisfaction at winding the poor, naive onmyouji around his finger, there had been genuine...well, genuine something.

If only to escape Hokuto's glare, he had left the house, not so much to follow Subaru, but just for something to do in his nonplussed state. It was raining, but it wasn't like Seishirou ever let himself get cold. He thought of Subaru again, probably too out of it to assume responsibility for keeping himself heated. The man tutted. Trust his Subaru-kun to forget about his basic health in light of tragedy.

Ugh, this was such a mess. Last time, he hadn't realised he was in love with Subaru, and this time, he was feeling guilty, a concept hitherto alien to him. He hadn't even...well. He _had_ broken Subaru, and now the younger onmyouji remembered it. His head hurt. This whole situation was entirely too convoluted.

_... Advocate ..._

Mirei pulled the blanket up to Subaru's neck as he lay, passed out, on her sofa. Her fiancé hovered behind her, teeth pulling on his lip. "What do you suppose happened?"

"With Subaru-kun, it could be anything. He's so sensitive..." Her gloved hand brushed damp ebony bangs from closed eyes. Before Miyatake could even prompt her, she shook her head. "No. I won't invade his privacy in such a way, he'll tell me what's wrong when he wakes up...and if he doesn't, then, all I can do is be a shoulder to cry on. But something tells me that if he's come to us and not to the vet friend of his...it has something to do with said vet friend."

Miyatake blinked. "Sakurazuka-san? But he seems so nice."

"Does he? I've never thought so."

"What do you mean? I had him over at my apartment once. Lovely chap, very chatty, both twins seemed to adore him..."

Mirei hummed, standing up from her crouch and leaving Subaru to sleep. "I just...think there's something not quite right about him, that's all. His interest in Subaru is not platonic."

"Huh? You mean, he's _interested_?" Miyatake gaped. "But...he's way too old!"

"Speak for yourself, 'Take!" Mirei chuckled. "Are you not eleven years older than me, hm?" She laughed at her fiancé's stammers. "No...that's not why he seems strange. It's...his manner. I don't know, I can't explain it. I'm probably wrong anyway, and it's not really fair of me to speculate. All we can do is look after him."

Miyatake took her hands with his own, also gloved, smiling gently. "Of course."

On the sofa, Subaru was dreaming. He was too exhausted for his sleep to be fitful, and his dream was almost lazy. He was floating on his back in a seemingly endless sea of pleasantly warm water, lapping at his aching limbs and soothing them. This place, he knew it. It was one of his many 'safe havens', as Kakyou would call them. Places his mind and body could rest while he slept. He was safe with Mirei, he reasoned. So he could relax.

"Subaru-san?"

Or not. Subaru opened his eyes at the demure voice to see Kakyou, pulling at his shirt sleeve nervously, stood in the waist deep water. Damnit. He'd forgotten that his sister's new boyfriend was a _yumemi_, and that she'd probably send him to haunt him. Hokuto, apparently, had wasted no time adapting the blond boy to her bizarre fashion sense – and for his part, Kakyou was probably enjoying the change from pale coloured kimonos that made him look more ghostly than his pale skin and fair hair already did. The younger Sumeragi twin regarded Kakyou with a little suspicion, and the older boy sighed. "...No. I didn't know. Hokuto-chan just...just filled me in, though I have to say I don't...quite understand all of it. I've never heard of magic like that before. It is..."

"...Powerful. Hokuto-chan has always been powerful, no matter how she tries to downplay it. Her brand of magic is almost unique in that...honestly, I don't quite know how it works." Subaru admitted, thinking of his outgoing, vibrant older sister. Again he shivered, picturing her death. But...she wasn't dead, was she? She was here still, and Seishirou hadn't repeated his actions this time around. The idea that this WAS a second time around still made his head hurt, and his memories churned in his mind unpleasantly. They vied with each other, those from each timeline muddling and clashing and fighting for the limited space in Subaru's head. And it hurt, a lot.

Even if Seishirou hadn't repeated his actions, he'd done it all before, he'd already betrayed Subaru in...that OTHER timeline, and destroyed every ounce of trust between them. He sighed, and Kakyou mimicked the sound, reaching out to grip his shoulder and pull him up to stand in the shallow, warm water. Subaru looked up at the other boy, standing tall and proud in this dream plane, unhindered by the harsh reality of his chronic fatigue back in the real world.

"Subaru-san..." Kakyou sighed. "She just wanted to make sure you're alright. If you're sleeping, I think you must be somewhere safe. Are you?"

"Yes..." He murmured, unwilling to give his location away. Not that it would take Hokuto long to figure it out, if she wanted to. "I...just need time to think...Hokuto-chan...I...she knows I'll come back to her. I love her. And even if she lied to me...I know that everything she does, she does to make me happy, how can I begrudge her that? It's not her I'm running from. It...it isn't even Seishirou-san..." He faltered, bunching his fists, unable to put his finger on quite was it was he was REALLY trying to escape.

"I can't claim to understand what you're going through right now." Kakyou offered, spooking Subaru with how eerily similar the phrasing was to his own admissions in the past. "But...I know that sometimes I just wanted to hide from everything, hide from my mother, from the mafia, from every corrupt politician my mother forced me to work for. I can't apply that to your situation, I know, but...I...you rescued me. I owe you and Hokuto-chan my freedom. If there's anything I can do or say to help, please let me know..."

There was a long silence, during which the dreamscape melted into Kakyou's own seaside landscape. Dry once more, they stood atop a cliff, not-real wind whipping their hair. In the background, seagulls jeered, and Subaru could smell salt. "This is your dream?"

"Merely a projection of one of your sister's. I have never been to the sea." Subaru nodded at the other boy's words and stepped closer, resting his head tiredly on the elder's shoulder. Kakyou stiffened a little, but he was getting used to physical touch both in and out of his dreams.

"Stay with me a while?" Subaru asked tiredly. He sounded defeated.

Kakyou just nodded mutely, lifting his hand to touch the younger boy's forehead in what he hoped would be taken as a gesture of affection.

_... Advocate ..._

Seishirou was reluctant to send his shikigami out to find Subaru, not really sure what the teenager would do if he found out the man he'd just sworn to kill if he saw again was spying on him. He could feel the pull of the marks he'd carved onto the boy's hands when he was a child, and winced a little, suddenly feeling guilty about THAT, too. This was so frustrating, he was remembering each time he'd wronged the little green-eyed onmyouji, and every little incident brought an image of that face, the hard eyes, the look of shock and betrayal he'd seen several times in their previous life, and just that evening in this one.

Damn. He'd known all along that this time, there was no denying it. He had told Subaru himself on Rainbow bridge, he really DID fall for the boy with the too-big eyes, the too-sweet smile and the too-pure heart. Last time he'd revelled in the pain he'd caused Subaru. This time he felt sick thinking about it. What had changed?

Maybe he was being dense, he wondered as he summoned his shikigami despite himself. "Find him." He muttered, deep in thought as the black falcon cawed and took off into the night. It was raining still. Seishrou hadn't even noticed. He tried to think about what had changed, and could only come to the conclusion that it was himself. He'd stopped being so determined to deny what really, he'd known all along. Subaru had won. He'd won a long time before Seishirou had broken him the first time. With a sudden sense of desolation, the Sakurazukamori realised that the reason he'd taken so much pleasure in kicking the then defenceless onmyouji around was because he'd resented him, hated him even, for breaking down Seishirou's carefully built walls around his heart and mind.

Love wasn't something Seishirou had ever entertained the thought of, and damn, Subaru had crushed his defences without even trying. He hadn't even known he was doing it. Maybe, at the time, the half of Seishirou that was a cold-blooded murderer HAD known the truth, but had destroyed Subaru's life because he knew that Subaru would have to kill him and inherit his title, one day. Another thought that now made him ill.

This love thing was complicated, and he could easily see why he had never bothered with it before. Subaru was a distraction, and as much as Seishirou tried to convince himself that that was ALL the poor boy was...he couldn't deny the unbearable, obsessive feelings he felt when he thought about Subaru. He waited, absently glad the rain had eased off, for his shikigami to draw him to the object of his thoughts, and wondered exactly what he was going to do about this situation.

He waited a while. Subaru was well able to hide from him if he wanted to, it had always amused Seishirou that the boy had made no effort to stop broadcasting his location to the Sakurazukamori as he grew up after the death of his sister. Now, somehow, whether consciously or not, the young, irritating boy was blocking him out. But it wouldn't last for long. Evenly matched they may be, but Seishirou's determination for everything to go his way always won out over Subaru's shy protests. Eventually the shikigami called to him, and he struck out again, following the trail. He felt a familiar anger build up in his at the child's resistance to his magic, and relaxed in the feeling, the emotion being one he knew much better than all those silly, uncertain thoughts of love and such. For now, they went to the back of his head.

Somehow, he didn't think he was capable of persuading Subaru to...to what? What was he trying to achieve here? The boy would never trust him again. He knew who he was, what he was, what he'd done, and what he was most definitely capable of.

Oh boy. This was not likely to be pretty.

Sighing, he followed the shikigami, leaping from roof to roof, climbing higher - the apartment blocks got bigger as they got closer to the centre of Tokyo. Beneath him, the city was alive despite the intermittent rain, contrasting with the quietness of Subaru's own suburb neighbourhood. He realised he had no idea who Subaru knew, who he would go to. The thought irked him a little, though he had the tail on the boy. Finally, he felt the pull subside, and he stood straight, glancing around. Then he smiled benevolently. "Subaru-kun."

His shikigami perched on Subaru's shoulder, cawing. The onmyouji himself was stood by the door into the building, having presumably climbed up to meet him. Seishirou found his letting the bird sit on his arm a little weird, but didn't acknowledge it as the shikigami let out one last caw and disappeared into the aether. Subaru said nothing, staring at him blankly, though there was a distinct coolness to the gaze. Seishirou inwardly winced. Then, without warning, Subaru attacked him. Shocked, expecting at least a few words of welcome, Seishirou jumped back and drew a pentagram in the air to smash aside the flock of razor-sharp ofuda hurtling towards him. By the time the residue from the attack had abated, Subaru was finishing a chant, and the elder onmyouji hadn't heard enough of it to catch what it would do, so he was utterly unprepared to be hurled across the roof.

He smashed into a pole that held up a television cable and let out a hiss of pain that transmuted, seconds later, into a snarl of fury. "Little brat!" He let anger rule his actions – it was easier that fretting about his 'love' for the boy after all – and counter attacked.

For the first time in either memory, the fighting was truly vicious.

Even on Rainbow bridge, Seishirou had just been playing with Subaru, and Subaru had stayed largely on the defensive, only utilising his weakest spells to attack with. This time, short of blowing up the building around Seishirou, the young onmyouji was using every trick in his impressive arsenal to engage him. His eyes, whenever the elder caught sight of them between wild flashes of magic, were feral with fury, hatred and devastated betrayal. Then, after one particularly brutal attack that had them battling it out with their willpower and stood within half a centimetre of each other, trying to force the other backwards, the Sakurazukamori faltered, unsure of himself. He'd caught sight of a burning pain in the other's eyes, and realised the younger was fighting with a nasty laceration in his side, probably caused by one of Seishirou's razor sharp sakura attacks.

It was all Subaru needed to forcefully shove Seishirou back with another exertion of will, and, taken by surprise, the elder was thrown back several feet, where he tumbled into a roll, and smashed through the low wall around the edge of the roof – which hurt a rather large amount – and tumbled off the edge of the building.

Subaru's sudden shriek was all it took for Seishirou to understand.

A hand shot out and caught his as the ground dropped away beneath him, and his single amber eye locked on two frightened green ones as he hung in space. Subaru had stopped him falling.

Of course, he probably could have saved himself, but presumably Subaru was acting on impulse, which explained a great deal. With difficulty, the younger onmyouji pulled him up and over the destroyed section of wall, letting go of his hand the second he knew Seishirou was out of immediate danger. Then, Subaru fell back against the wall near the door back into the building, panting heavily and shaking still with anger. But now Seishirou understood. He had known all along that Subaru was hopelessly in love with him, taken great delight in the fact, even. But he hadn't realised that the boy's affection was such a base instinct that even when actively trying to destroy him, when Subaru sensed that Seishirou might really lose his life, he jumped in to help.

The anger, attacks, the rage...it was an outlet. Subaru had needed, for so long, to let years and years of simmering feelings out, and now, he leant against the wall as though defeated.

Well. He wouldn't underestimate the boy again, that was for sure. Alive he may be, but everything hurt, everything ached. Seishirou was in more pain than he would usually like to admit, and all of it caused by the slender onmyouji trembling not six feet from him.

Now what?

He tentatively took a step forward, only for Subaru to violently flinch away, shaking his head. "Stay away from me..." He murmured, and for once, Seishirou obeyed, pausing.

"...Subaru-kun?"

"Don't. Just don't."

"I love you."

Subaru didn't respond for a few seconds, so Seishirou raised his arms in defeat. "I mean it." He added. "I really do." And he did. Which was...odd, but not completely unwelcome. Hokuto had shown him that there really could be a...well, something of a happy ending for him, with her little brother, and though he wasn't entirely sure if this was still attainable, he may as well try. There was, after all, a part of him that was...happy. Happy with the idea that he could spend the rest of his life with the person he knew he loved more than anything, material or otherwise.

The thought made him feel ill. Hadn't he just turned into the regular romantic.

Hokuto might disagree.

"Forgive me if I don't trust the things you say." Subaru murmured quietly, pushing off from the wall and yanking Seishirou from his thoughts. As he turned to leave, Seishirou started forwards and seized his arm in a firm, demanding grip. It probably wasn't the best way to deal with the boy, but the side of him that was cuddly and sweet was a lie...and Seishirou didn't think Subaru would appreciate it. He wasn't fluffy. He wasn't sweet. He was the Sakurazukamori, and now that Subaru knew that, he wasn't going to pretend to be something he wasn't. Neither of them would be comfortable with it, anyway.

Subaru tensed, as though expecting another attack, probably remembering the day the older man had twisted his arm behind his back and carelessly broken it. Suddenly Seishirou wasn't surprised the little onmyouji was jumpy. "Let go."

"Not until you hear me out."

"Not now. I can't...not now. I can't deal with this." Subaru replied, voice almost a whisper. "I mean it. I don't want to fight again, I'm tired, and I want to sleep. I can't do this now."

"We need to talk."

"..."

"Subaru-kun. I'm...asking. not demanding. Hokuto-chan didn't do this for nothing – "

"Don't you dare guilt me. Don't you DARE use my sister against me."

Seishirou winced and let go, aware he'd probably overstepped. Okay. He could deal with this. He'd give Subaru a little space. "...Alright." No, he wouldn't apologise. Seishirou wasn't the apologetic type. It was enough that he'd had to admit he was in love with the boy. He let Subaru disappear back into the building, frowning after him.

Well. This just got...even more complicated.

_... Advocate ..._

A/N: Phew. Done. That was a long three hours. STILL. New chapter for you all! Yay! :D

Please review, if you read and like (or dislike, not fussy!)

They inspired me to restart this again, and they continue to inspire me to continue and ultimately finish. Please please please. It doesn't take lots of effort, and it really does make me write quicker :P


	9. Deuce

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Rating T, multiple storylines.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, Boy on boy. If you have a problem with yaoi or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

_... Advocate ..._

Chapter Eight: Deuce

Subaru stayed with Mirei for a week, collecting his thoughts. The woman had been wonderful, thoughtful and understanding, not pressing him to share details. He'd allowed her to touch his hands and see what had ripped him apart on the fourth day, when she'd expressed concern about the length of time he was spending away from his home, his sister, and Seishirou.

She'd been as confused as he had been, and twice as horrified. In the back of Subaru's mind, he'd always known there was a darker side to Seishirou. He just...hadn't expected the levels of cruelty the older man had displayed in both this timeline and their last. Even thinking about the dual timeline concept made his head ache, and he wondered if that was why his reaction had been so...explosive. No. Of course not, it was justified, he had every right to be angry! So why did he feel so guilty? Guilt was something Subaru was used to. He felt guilty whenever he didn't complete a job quickly enough – or thoroughly enough. He felt bad for the dead spirits he sent on, felt bad that they had to die, had to leave their loved ones behind.

Loved ones. Somehow, he had always sort of...assumed Seishirou fell into that category. A lot of people in Subaru's life fell into that category, he held a special place in his heart for most people he met.

But Seishirou was different, of course. He loved Seishirou. Really, genuinely loved him. On a level he wasn't quite sure he understood yet. And then, he shook the thought from his head before he could think about it too hard, and depress himself. The man claimed to love him, but look what he'd done to him!

"Ahh..."

"Are you alright, Subaru-kun?" Mirei pressed mint tea into his shaking hands, and he sniffed pathetically.

"No. I'm not."

Mirei settled next to him, stroking his hair. He leant on her shoulder with an unhappy sigh, inhaling the lavendar and jasmine smell he had come to associate her with. "What should I do, Mirei-chan?"

The woman was quiet for a few moments. "Whatever your heart wants to do. I know it isn't the answer you're looking for, sweetheart, but it's the most honest I can give. I know he's lonely. And I know you're hurting." She kissed his head. "You're like a little brother to 'Take and me. You know that. I hate to see you so unhappy, so perhaps you should try to figure out the real reason you're so unhappy, and work from there." Subaru sighed and sat up, mulling it over. "Will you go to work today?" Mirei continued, blinking.

"...Perhaps tomorrow. I wouldn't be able to concentrate today..."

"Oh to have the choice." Mirei teased, chuckling. She stood, and pulled on her coat. "I have to go. The house is yours, you know where everything is." Subaru thanked her and listened absently as she picked up her things and left, closing the door with a snap that made him jump.

Over an hour later, he stood up. He needed a walk.

_... Advocate ..._

"Hokuto-chan..." Kakyou felt like hitting his head against a brick wall. Or...maybe just the table, since that was right next to him, and not twenty paces across the room. Hokuto didn't respond, and Kakyou fell silent, shrugging. He lay his head on the table, pillowed in his arms and watched her fret and pace.

"What if he's all alone?" She wailed, pulling at her hair. "He's shut me out, I can't..."

The _yumemi_ suppressed a yawn, eyes fluttering shut. "I told you, Hokuto-chan...he...he's fine, he's safe, and he will get over this. It was..." Another yawn. "A lot to take in. He's scared and upset."

"But he's supposed to...I mean...I want him and Seishirou to..."

Kakyou would have liked to say something constructive and helpful. But he had no visions of either Subaru, or Seishirou, to fall back on and make his predictions from. So he settled for something suitably passive. "Just trust them both..." Hokuto glanced over at him then, and worried her lip.

"Oh...Kakyou, I'm sorry...are you tired? Come on, let's get you back into bed..." She fretted, wringing her hands. Kakyou slowly lifted his head, and reached out to cup her hands in his own. "I'm alright, Hokuto-chan." He murmured as he rubbed her fingers with the pad of his thumb. "But you need to calm down. You are going to make yourself sick with worry, and all this...it isn't like you."

"You...I...you're right. Of course." Hokuto gingerly settled on his lap on the kitchen chair, careful to keep one foot on the floor in case she needed to support her own weight. Kakyou appeared to be fine, however, and she snuggled close. "I just wish it had gone differently."

"He had to find out sometime."

"But it was so brutal..."

"At least now you – " Before he could finish, Hokuto's apartment door slammed open, and a very damp Seishirou stormed inside and unceremoniously threw himself onto Hokuto's sofa. Hokuto blinked at him, slowly taking in the uncharacteristic behaviour and the petulant, conflicted expression on his face.

"You are singly the most irritating and meddlesome little girl I have ever had the misfortune to fail to feed to the Tree." He snarled, single amber eye flashing.

Though Kakyou shrank under his anger, Hokuto met his gaze evenly and blinked, unimpressed with the outburst. She didn't move from Kakyou's lap, and she tossed her head, sniffing. "I fail to see how this is anything but entirely your fault, you ridiculous narcissist. If you weren't so self obsessed and phenomenally stupid, you wouldn't have to be chasing Subaru all over Tokyo until he stops being pissed off with you. Admit it, you want him back."

"Want him back? You make this all sound like some stupid little love story, and that I've done something akin to romantic suicide and..and...cheated on him or something. This isn't a novel, this is my life, and – "

"And it's Subaru's life you're playing with, too!" She snapped back, her glare as evil as his. Kakyou was getting the feeling that this was what happened when an unstoppable force met an immovable object. He wasn't entirely sure which of them was the force, and which the object, either.

The silliest part was that they didn't even hate each other. From what he could see, the Sakurazukamori carried an odd sort of respect for his Hokuto, and she, for some unfathomable reason, adored him and desperately wanted him to be happy. Yet here they were, shrieking themselves hoarse and scowling at each other. He sighed. "The way I see it..." He dared to murmur. "You both have something in common. Actually, you have a lot in common – "

" – Kakyou! – "

" – but the main thing is your love for Subaru-kun." Kakyou continued, holding up a hand to silence Seishirou's protests. The Sakurazukamori blinked, mouth dropping open as though stunned that Kakyou had dared _hold a hand up to silence him._ "Don't deny it. You can't lie to a dreamseer." Well. You could. But nine times out of ten Kakyou was shrewd enough to see through it. "You're not even enemies. You're friends. So start acting like it. Stop shouting at each other and start trying to figure out how to sort this mess out together, rather than throwing blame around and getting nowhere." That said, he stood, sliding Hokuto off his lap, and he wobbled into the bedroom, collapsing and immediately sinking into a deep sleep.

Seishirou stared after him. "...Your boyfriend is almost as irritating as you." He commented gruffly.

"Why? Because he's right?" Hokuto sighed, sidling over to the sofa and dropping down onto it next to her friend. "...You really are my friend. Even if you don't really like me and it was all just an act...I like you. Not just fake you either. I think...there's more to you than just a mindless assassin..."

"...No, really, that's pretty much it."

A groan. "Take this seriously!"

"Hokuto-chan, I really don't feel comfortable having this conversation."

"And I don't feel comfortable getting all chummy with the sadistic prick who murdered me, but here we are! So shut up, and let's get on with it!"

"...I should have fed you to the Tree."

And after a brief pause, suddenly, there was a burst of lukewarm laughter from both parties, and they looked up at each other. "But you didn't..." Hokuto murmured, big eyes wide and far too Subaru-like.

"No. I didn't. But just because I find you mildly entertaining doesn't mean I'm going through some sort of midlife crisis, or any sort of profound change. I don't have to like anyone else. I just...might...happen to care a little bit for your dear, naïve little brother, and find you a little less intolerable than the rest of the world."

Hokuto smirked, though the smile turned innocent and sweet as she reached up to poke Seishirou in the forehead. "I knew you'd see sense. You can't hide behind your own fairytale forever. Even the Sakurazukamori needs to understand love, else he wouldn't pass his legend on, right? Your mother loved you."

"Yes, and I killed her, as rite of passage." Exasperation. "Which was why my first plan would have worked perfectly. I had to make Subaru-kun angry enough to want to kill me, though that never really worked out, I suppose. Stupid boy wasn't ever angry at me, just himself. I should have seen that coming. In the end, it was you who provided the means to transfer the role onto Subaru, my intended heir, with that little spell of yours."

"Yes, I'm still angry about that, you insufferable man. That was supposed to protect Subaru, not give you yet another means to hurt him. Anyway, you're going off the point. So you have to eventually pass on your job. So what? You can cross that bridge when you get to it. And if you think that means Rainbow Bridge in 1999, I am going to do some very, very nasty things to your b– "

"Yes, thank you Hokuto..." He winced. The young Sumeragi huffed, and Seishirou looked at his hands, turning them slowly over. He hated guilt. He'd never had to face it before, and it was quite intolerable. "What if I don't believe I can do it?"

"Oh...my God." Hokuto scrambled onto Seishirou's lap, and leant very close to his face, scrunching her nose up and staring at him. Seishirou made a disgruntled noise and leant away, opening his mouth to protest. But Hokuto beat him to it. "Is that INSECURITY? From YOU?" She shrieked, right into Seishirou's ear. The man winced.

"Get off. Right now." He warned, scowling.

"It IS insecurity! You're scared he hates you now!"

"Don't be ridiculous, the stupid boy doesn't hate me. I am the furthest thing from insecure it is possible to be."

"Don't say that...he isn't stupid..."

"Just painfully naïve, correct?"

"Not anymore!" Hokuto swung her legs off the older man and put her hands on her hips, scowling at him. Then she sighed, and the expression melted from her face. "For better or worse, he knows everything. He'll forgive you...he'll forgive us both." Seishirou leant back, crossing one leg over the other. He knew that. Subaru had always forgiven his every transgression, because he was foolish. Or in love. Or both. He crossed his arms. "Then by all accounts, we just...what? Wait? Wait for him to come to us?"

"You could apologise."

"I'm not sorry, though."

"You are so far beyond insufferable." She sat down next to him and leant on his shoulder. "It's almost cute." Seishirou blinked. He wasn't sure he'd ever understand Subaru's neurotic big sister. "Did you miss him?" She continued, eyes closed.

"Miss him?"

"When I died, and you left. Did you miss him?"

"How could I miss what didn't exist in the first place?" It was a token effort by now, though. Both of them knew it. Seishirou knew exactly how much he'd missed the twins' presence in his life. He had even let himself wonder what it might have been like if he'd allowed himself to realise sooner that Subaru had won the bet long before its conclusion. Except that it wouldn't have worked, because their entire relationship was built on a lie. Which was exactly the problem now. Subaru couldn't trust him. He winced, rubbing his shoulder, the one that had dislocated during their fight the previous night.

Instead of getting angry at Seishirou's dismissal, Hokuto just laughed. "Can't you just drop the pretence? We both know you're lying when you say you didn't care about him, then. Just because you've only recently realised and confessed doesn't mean you didn't care." Seishirou didn't respond, a frown marring his features. Lost in the memory of Subaru's anger, the hateful expression alien on a face upon which he'd seen a thousand other emotions – fear, pain, anguish, love, affection, joy. Hokuto sighed again. "Oh, Sei-chan. You really don't know what to do with yourself anymore, do you?"

_... Advocate ..._

Subaru leant forward against the railings on Rainbow Bridge, frowning at the water below him and absently listening to the city passing by behind him. His reflection, little more than a tiny black smudge at this height, stared back up at him unwavering. Images filtered through his head, pictures of a half-real memory of fighting Seishirou on this bridge. Even in his mind's eye his attacks were weak, pathetically so, Subaru had no heart in this other future. No drive. And Seishirou's attacks were designed to play with him, rather than seriously hurt him. And then, somehow, he had killed Seishirou, even though it had been the older man's blow.

Hokuto's dying wish, her dying spell, designed to protect Subaru from the Sakurazukamori.

Unbidden, the memory continued, and Subaru relived sinking to the floor with Seishirou dying in his arms, and that last murmur, laughed at him, bursting from bloody lips: "I always loved you." And how much it had completely broken him all over again.

Sakurazukamori Subaru. He remembered that slow realisation, he was the Sakurazukamori AND the head of the Sumeragi clan.

No. He wasn't. He wasn't the Sakurazukamori, he was sixteen again, and Seishirou hadn't betrayed him, had continued his game, was still playing it, and honestly? Subaru didn't know what to trust anymore. Except Hokuto. He wasn't angry with her, of course, she loved him dearly and he loved her. He let out his breath in a long sigh, blowing long hair out of his eyes. He almost wished Seishirou would come and find him again, though he didn't really think he was ready for it, and wasn't sure what he would do if the man _did_ come.

"Are you okay, there...?"

The voice made him jump, and he spun around. A young police officer, an air of nervous enquiry about him, was watching him. His patrol car was parked up on the verge of the bridge, and Subaru blinked. "Hello." He said out of habit. The officer fidgeted, and suddenly it clicked. "Let me guess, someone rang the police saying they thought someone was going to jump?"

"...You're not thinking about it, are you?"

"Of course not. Though..." He glanced over his shoulder and blushed. "I suppose it looks pretty bad." He felt bad for wasting the officer's time, now. The young man sighed with relief and scratched his head.

"Thank goodness. It's only my first week, I wouldn't have had the first clue about convincing you if you were thinking about it." The blunt honesty brought a smile from Subaru, and he pushed away from the railing.

"If you want, you can tell everyone you did a great job convincing me not to jump off." He hoped to put the officer at ease, and was pleased when the tension left the other man's shoulders and he laughed. "I'm sorry for wasting your time, officer." Subaru pulled his coat around himself. "I'll stop making people nervous." He made to leave, when the officer called him back.

"Do you need a ride somewhere, kid?"

Subaru was about to reply in the negative, then paused. He was a long way from his sister's apartment, and he had just this moment realised that that was where he wanted to be right now. "...if you don't mind? I'm a bit out of my way, here..."

As the city sped past, and Subaru listened politely to the young officer tell him his entire life story, smiling in all the right places and responding when prompted, he thought about Hokuto and her devotion to him. His heart hurt when he thought about her dying. Twins really couldn't live without each other. He hadn't been living, after she had died. Not really. Existing would have been a better word for it. "Ah...just...along here please, Kiriyama-san..."

Hokuto was flying out of the door before he'd even got out, probably seeing the patrol car and leaping to all the wrong conclusions. "Subaru!" She shrieked as he stepped onto the pavement. "Are you alright?"

Suddenly, he had an armful of big sister as she squeezed the life out of him, stumbling over broken apologies and declarations of love. "Hokuto-chan...it's alright, I'm okay. And..you're okay..." His shoulders shook a little as her death replayed in his mind, unbidden, and she tightened her grip, before bursting into tears. "Ah...Hokuto, people are watching..." Indeed, the officer was looking faintly bemused, a flush on his face. Subaru felt a little sorry for him, he was probably wondering what on earth was going on. And still Hokuto stuttered through apologies.

"Hokuto...there really isn't...please don't apologise...I...I don't even..." He lowered his voice and whispered into her ear. "I don't know how you did it, but whatever you did, we're together again...and that's what's important. I don't care about anything else. Really. I love you."

She sniffled in his arms, and leant away, her hands on his arms. "Shall we...go inside? I promise I'll tell you anything you want to know."

As the twins bid goodbye to the policeman, a single amber eye watched from a perch high on the roof. He could stay. He could wait in Hokuto's apartment, and face Subaru now. Force him to hear him out. And risk being blown out of the window by that terrifying errant magic. Seishirou didn't like to think he was a coward, but he couldn't think of any other word to describe his decision to turn his back and leave.

Again.

After all, it would be easier than facing this strange future. And these damnable 'feelings' Hokuto wouldn't shut up about.

_... Advocate ..._

Author's Note: I am alive. I know I'm completely horrible for leaving it a year between updates. But this time, I've steamed ahead and ALREADY WRITTEN chapter 9 and chapter 10, which is the final chapter. Basically, I finished the story before I updated, so I could get all three chapters out in two weeks or so. Somehow, it was easier to write this way, making sure not to let you guys, my amazing readers, down again :)

I know not much actiony stuff happened in this chapter...don't worry, it's coming in 9 ._. In fact, chapter 9 has lots of action, along with some more angst and introspection. And maybe some fluffy Kakyou x Hokuto.


	10. Endgame

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, male-male. If you have a problem with shounen ai or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's Note: This is the longest chapter yet, at about 5500 words. Consider it a gift after taking so long to get this far!

_... Advocate ..._

Chapter Nine – Endgame

"Do you always dream of your Tree?"

Seishirou stiffened and spun around, eyes narrowing on the dreamseer. "Get the hell-"

"Calm down. I won't say anything." Kakyou's hair whipped about his elfin face, tall, lanky body framed in a white yukata. Seishirou scowled at him. "What business is it of yours what I dream about?" Kakyou raised a single eyebrow and glanced over his shoulder, where Subaru slept at the base of the great sakura tree. Though the branches swayed in a phantom wind, they did not reach to touch the projection of the young onmyouji. Subaru was not there, of course, Kakyou knew he was sleeping on Hokuto's beaten up blue sofa in their front room. It was an image born of this dream, the dream of the man before him.

"You have seen me in dreams before. My presence should not shock you."

"Don't tell me you remember everything from before, too."

"No. I remember only what has happened this time around." Kakyou replied delicately, blinking soft golden eyes up at the assassin. "But you are not surprised to see me, nor did you react when I told you I was a dreamseer – what I am and what I can do does not shock you. I have never stepped in your dream before in my own memory, thus, I must have appeared in yours in your memory, the one that existed in the timeline in which Hokuto...in which Hokuto died."

"You talk too much."

"And you are running away. Tell me, Sakurazukamori, are you content with nothing more of that boy than images your dreams provide?" Seishirou glanced over his shoulder, glowering at the peaceful picture of his old charge sleeping soundly at the base of the Tree, surrounded by sakura petals.

"The Subaru that exists in my head is preferrable to the one who almost hurled me off the top of a building."

This elicited a wry smirk from the dreamseer. He pushed long blonde hair behind his ear, shrouded in the darkness of Seishirou's dreamscape. "I rather think the reaction was justified."

"You would side with him, you're screwing his sister." Triumph flitted across Seishirou's face when the thus far unflappable blonde boy flushed and stumbled over a response.

"That's...I...that is neither here nor there. We're not...we _haven't_...this isn't about Hokuto and myself. This is about Subaru-kun. Are you really going to run from him like a cowardly dog?"

"I'm not running from him. I'm running from..." And Seishirou found he couldn't voice it. Sudden frustration raged like a furious fire inside him and he snarled. "Get out of my dream, Kuzuki-kun. I am the Sakurazukamori, not some lovesick fool. If I love him, it isn't in any way anyone would ever be able to explain. I have to love him, I know that, he has to inherit my legacy. I don't have to deal with any of the other shit that comes with it. It wouldn't work."

"How do you know? You never tried."

"And I never want to."

Kakyou closed his eyes. "Then you don't deserve him."

"Do you think I don't know that?" There was a hint of enraged desperation in Seishirou's voice. "No, I don't deserve him. We are nothing alike, he is everything I stand against. He's naive, he's foolish, he's so altruistic he hurts himself trying to keep others happy like some sort of pathetic doormat, he..."

"...Is the kindest and most gentle-hearted person you've ever met?"

"...Yes."

_... Advocate ..._

"Happy Birthday, Subaru..." Hokuto tried to smile at him, and to his credit, Subaru made a good effort to smile back. He sat up straighter and hugged his sister, at least. The room was filled with people he and Hokuto knew, lots of them, too many to list. It was embarrassing, he hadn't known he was familiar with so many faces, but they had all greeted him by name with smiles and affection, and given him presents (even more embarrassing!) to celebrate his and Hokuto's seventeenth birthday.

"Happy Birthday Hokuto." They had exchanged their own gifts this morning – she had given him clothes, typically, and he had given her new books, a CD she'd muttered about wanting, and some flowers. She'd burst into tears, something she'd been doing a lot since Seishirou had vanished three months ago. He winced – thinking of Seishirou was still painful and confusing. He remembered feeling the same after Hokuto's death in That Other timeline, when Seishirou left him. He also remembered wanting him back, and feeling like a traitor to his sister because of it.

Subaru hadn't been all that surprised when Seishirou didn't show his face again, though after several weeks and a curious trip to an empty apartment, it had sunk in that Seishirou had run, for good. It had hurt. Quite a lot, actually, that Seishirou had the gall to run when he was the one in the wrong. It was uncharacteristically cowardly of him. Not that Subaru was under any preconceptions that Seishirou was remotely afraid of him, no, what Seishirou was afraid of (and Subaru and Hokuto had discussed this thoroughly) was himself. The things he had confessed to and the pleading he'd done with Subaru when the onmyouji was still furious with him...it had scared him. Seishirou wasn't used to caring about anyone, and Hokuto's stunt had completely unravelled his carefully laid plans. Not to mention his resolve.

For his part, Subaru was allowing himself to enjoy spending time with his sister he'd always taken for granted. Assuming Hokuto would always be there made it all the harder when she was taken from him, and he was determined to never take his eccentric sister for granted again.

Kakyou sat down next to him, rubbing at his eyes. Hokuto was fairly certain no-one would recognise him from the news, he looked little like his frail self, his eyes and skin brighter, his clothes making a difference to his entire demeanor, his attitude. Still, they were cautious, and Hokuto had spray-dyed his distinctive blonde hair black for the day. He looked striking for it, the soft amber of his eyes bright and creepily reminiscent of Seishirou now that dark hair framed them. He yawned, already tired.

"You're welcome to have my bed if you like." Subaru offered. They were in his apartment for the party, it being the slightly larger of the two – and less cluttered. Subaru was fastidiously neat compared to his whirlwind sister, who left clothes where she stripped them off, materials for clothes-making all over the floor and surfaces and bought more things than could reasonably fit into her apartment.

"I will be fine, for now. But thank you." Kakyou smiled at him serenely, and Subaru envied him for that serenity. He and Hokuto were unequivocably an item, and despite Kakyou's lingering need to stay inside, both for his health and the worry that even after several months, his corrupt family might still be looking for him, they were still going strong after three months, a record for Hokuto, Subaru was sure. He saw the way his sister looked at Kakyou, like nothing else existed in the world. He envied it, it made him miss Seishirou all the more. Not that Seishirou had ever looked at _him_ like that and not been doing it deliberately and falsely to garner a reaction.

Cynical thinking, but the truth. He sighed, letting his head fall back.

"Thinking about him again?" Kakyou murmured, pushing his hair out of his face. Subaru groaned and closed his eyes.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Painfully, I'm afraid. You could go after him."

"Me? Track him down? I don't think so, if he wanted to stay hidden, I wouldn't find him. He's much more powerful than I am."

"I don't think that that's true." The dreamseer sighed, but he didn't elaborate. Subaru blinked and sat forward again, fiddling with a little gold bow that had been attached to one of his presents. He rubbed at his eyes. "...You look more tired than I do."

"Haven't been sleeping." In truth, Subaru's nightmares had returned. Only now they were more confusing than ever. They would start, embarrassingly enough, with Seishirou and himself engaged in...less than mentionable activities..and then they would degenerate into loose-knit groups of memories, memories in which Seishirou hurt him – hit him, killed people he loved...it was worse than ever, really, his subconscious was expanding on those fleeting, half-remembered instances. In some dreams, Seishirou would hold him against his chest, stroking his cheek with one hand and systematically breaking each of his fingers with the other. In others, he would tell Subaru he loved him whilst pushing his hand through Hokuto's chest. All of them were permeated with the sound of cruel, delighted laughter and choked sobs. He shuddered.

"I've seen your nightmares."

"I know you have." Subaru had felt the blonde boy's presence in his dreams, knowing that Kakyou could do nothing about the images he watched. "I'm starting to forget what's real and what's a nightmare."

"That's his doing...he planted the nightmares, before..."

Subaru started. This was news to him. "How do you know?" A fresh stab of hurt went through him, had Seishirou been controlling his life that much?

"I can tell which dreams form from your own mind, and which have not. They feel foreign." Subaru hugged himself, biting his lip.

"I see..."

"Sakurazuka-san is one of the most contrary people I have ever encountered." Kakyou continued stiffly. "But I do not think he doesn't care for you. I've seen his dreams, too." Subaru blined, looking up quizzically, but Kakyou offered no more on the subject, settling down on the arm of the sofa and drifting off to sleep. The younger teenager scowled down at him.

"That was really mean."

"What was mean?" Hokuto chirped, plonking herself on his lap. His arms automatically wrapped themselves around her, and he nuzzled her neck with a sigh.

"Kakyou said he'd wandered Seishirou's dreams, then wouldn't tell me what he'd seen."

"Well, he doesn't tell me what you dream about either. Dreams are private, and Kakyou respects that." She admonished, poking him in the nose. "Now come on, let's go say hello to Mirei-chan, she's been trying to talk to you all afternoon..."

_... Advocate ..._

The day after the party, Subaru took the morning off, but by the afternoon, he was back to work, he had a callout. He could leave it until tomorrow, but it seemed pretty simple, and he could use the activity to keep his mind off a certain assassin. Hokuto was bemoaning his decision, wanting him to take the whole weekend for himself for a change. "You're going to work? Now? Seriously?"

"I have to go to work, Hokuto-chan."

"But it's a Sunday! And you had such a busy day yesterday..." Hokuto whinged, and Subaru sighed good-naturedly, shaking his head and explaining for the hundredth time that work was work, he took it when he got it, it was his duty. He ignored her pouting and pulled on a black jumper. It wasn't quite cold enough for two layers, but enough for him to want to keep his arms covered. Hokuto scowled. "That is such a boring outfit, can't you wear something prettier?"

"I'm not a girl." Subaru said patiently, ignoring the spluttered protests all the way to his front door. "Love you, onee-chan." He chuckled, kissing the corner of her mouth to silence her as he left. She hung around at the door.

"Hmph! Next time you ignore me I am going to spike your hot chocolate with sleeping pills!" She yowled, hurling her wooden spoon at his head. He ducked it with a laugh and ran for the lift, disappearing from Hokuto's sight. The older twin stared after him, letting out a long-suffering sigh. Now she would have to wake Kakyou for company.

"...Kyou-chaaaaaan!"

Subaru leant against the wall of the lift, printed fax in hand. The callout had come from a man who said his company was trying to bulldoze an abandoned block of apartments. He claimed the apartments were haunted, and wanted them exorcised before he attempted to demolish them. Not an unreasonable callout, but hopefully a fairly routine one. He could be home before dinner if he was quick. He checked his watch. He had arranged to meet the man, Hishiro Miyuki, outside the block at three pm. He had plenty of time to get there.

He walked, as he usually did – he didn't like the underground trains and traffic was far too bad for a taxi – and smiled at people he walked past, as he usually did. He tried to keep his mind off of Seishirou, but it was a lost cause, the assassin was never far from his thoughts, as frustrating as it was. "Ahh...why can't you just get out of my head already?" He worried. Would he not see Seishirou again until 1999? What would he say to him? What would Seishirou say? He shook his head, knowing he needed to focus on work, but still, thoughts of the ambr-eyed assassin's smirk filtered through his determined block and wormed their way into his thoughts.

Before he knew it, he had arrived, and he came to an abrupt halt in front of the address he'd been given. He checked it, then glanced up at the high-rise. It was about forty stories, and had fallen into disrepair, abandoned, Subaru guessed, for about ten years or so. It had that empty feel about it, and several of the lower floor windows were smashed or boarded up. He sighed. No wonder someone wanted it bulldozed. It felt horrid, cold almost. The fax asked him to meet his client inside the building, so Subaru picked his way around the fencing and found a way in – a door that looked like it had been used regularly, and recently. Entering the building, he blinked, finding himself in a shell of a room that might once have been an atrium. From here, he could see out of the other side – the building was a quadrangle, a four sectioned high rise with an inner, private courtyard for those living within. It wasn't a particularly attractive courtyard, little more than a square patch of grass that hadn't seen a lawnmower for years, and a rusty seesaw. There might also have been a slide once, but nothing remained of it but a couple of rusting struts sticking dangerously out of the ground. This place was horrible, Subaru decided, glad it was set for demolition.

"Hello?" He called, voice echoing in the emptiness.

"Sumeragi-san, I presume?"

Subaru jumped about a foot in the air and spun around. "Ah...yes! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there..." A short, formal bow. The man standing by the disused lift nodded back.

"No offense taken. My name is Miyuki."

Just a last name, then. Subaru nodded. "Miyuki-san. You said you were having trouble with some restless spirits?"

A wry smile. "You...could say that. I believe it inhabits the upper floors, several of my workmen have been scared by windows lighting up suddenly, faces, that sort of thing."

"I see..." He couldn't think what might be hanging around a place like this, though it did seem like somewhere people had spent miserable years. It was low-budget accommodation by the looks of it, small rooms, small flats, for those with little or no money.

It was a little disconcerting following the stranger up the stairs, losing the hum of the traffic. He said nothing, not even in response to Subaru's two attempts at conversation. It was a good job he was fit, as thirty floors later they were still going. "How high are we going? I could just use – " Abruptly, the man stopped, and Subaru nearly crashed into him. The little plastic sign told him they were at floor thirty. This floor had been almost completely gutted, by a fire judging by the blackened debris and ceiling. A piece of wall stood here and there, glass was scattered on the ground, and the outer wall, the one that faced the courtyard, was dotted with sets of decrepit looking french doors leading to small balconies, most of which were still intact, save for the odd pane of shattered glass. Subaru winced as he stepped out around Miyuki and walked onto the gutted floor, footsteps unreasonably loud in the quiet. He could faintly hear the traffic below them, but other than that, it was silent up here. Yes, this would be an ideal place to house restless spirits, if anyone had died in the flames. He bit his lip. "Is this – "

"Yes."

Subaru glanced back at the man, only to gasp with horror as he found himself staring down the barrel of a gun he hadn't heard the man pull. He stumbled back. "H..hey, what are you..."

"Sumeragi Subaru-kun." The man pulled an ugly face. "You ruined my life."

Subaru's mind screeched to a halt. "I did...what?"

"You killed my sister...you're a devil, an evil witch..." When the words sunk in, Subaru's mind flew through lists of people who had been killed as a result of his work. It happened, sometimes, people died in suspicious circumstances – those who attempted their own onmyoujitsu and lost control, those who called him too late and were consumed by vengeful spirits before he could save them, people who went on to kill themselves after seeing their loved ones' spirits finally pass on at his hand...

Tears sprung to his eyes. He felt guilt for every single one of those people, and he knew them all by name. There were thirteen, thirteen people who had died in the three years he had been the official head of the Sumeragi clan. Which one was this man referring to? Seconds later, both of them whispered a name at the same time, and Subaru kicked himself for not recognising it, not _thinking._

"...Miyuki Mitsuko."

She had been nineteen, only a few years older than Subaru. It had been a year or so ago, Subaru was fifteen. Mitsuko had tried to use magic to get revenge on a boyfriend, and had been obliterated by the backlash before Subaru could intervene. He had been on the scene when the boyfriend had collapsed, and had been hurled to the floor by the force of the magical backlash that had consumed poor Mitsuko. Subaru had hated himself for weeks, he might have saved her if he had been quicker, could have controlled the backlash by placing a _sakanagi_. But he had failed. He hadn't been able to form the spell quick enough, and she had died. Hokuto had screamed at him a hundred times, 'it wasn't your fault'.

"So you remember her..." Miyuki snarled finger squeezing at the trigger. His other hand twitchd at his side.

"I didn't kill her..." Subaru's voice cracked as he flung up his hands.

"Don't you try anything!" Subaru gasped as Miyuki fired a shot, and had to hurl himself to one side. Self-preservation kicked in, and instead of trying to explain himself, he flung a burst of magic at the other man which tore the gun from his hand and flung it out of the window. Miyuki let out a wordless cry of rage, but didn't move. "I thought you would try some crazy hocus pocus to run from me...so I took the liberty of beating you at your own game..."

That didn't sound good. That sounded like...

With a cried word of summon and a baleful howl, a blood red, fiery inugami burst into life between the two of them.

Onmyoujitsu. Being used by an untrained, rage filled amateur gunning for revenge. It all sounded painfully familiar, and Subaru's heart clenched. "Don't make the same mistake Mitsuko-chan did!" He cried, not moving from where he lay sprawled on the floor. The dog-spirit roared, and pawed at the ground, eyes dripping red fire, tar leaking down it's legs. This wasn't just a spirit wrenched from life, this was a construct, built with old black magic and fire, and more than one restless, vengeful spirit. Subaru didn't have time to wonder where Miyuki had found the spells – or the dog that bound the spirits together – as the thing leapt for him, fuelled by the man's pain and rage.

Subaru began to chant straight away, lashing back at the inugami. He had to be conservative, if he was too aggressive, Miyuki would be killed...but if he let the dog hurt him, the backlash would doubtless be too much for the man to handle. "You must call him off!" He cried after finishing his chant and caging the creature temporarily. "Mitsuko-chan, she tried to use onmyoujitsu to – "

Miyuki obviously didn't want to hear it, seeing his spirit caged he let out a roar of his own and hurled himself at Subaru, tackling him to the ground. The onmyouji hit the floor hard and gasped, winded, as Miyuki's hands scrabbled for his throat. A spark of insanity flickered through his eyes, and Subaru realised there was no reasoning with him. He hissed, fighting back from his vulnerable position on the floor, thanking his Grandmother for her insistance on rigourous martial arts training. They rolled once, then again, and Miyuki grabbed a handful of Subaru's hair and tugged, trying to slam his head into the ground and knock him still. Subaru's fingers burned with the effort of holding the other man's wrist still so he couldn't.

The cage snapped with a lash of magic that drew a shocked scream from Subaru. He felt the spirit tear his spell apart, and before he could shout a warning, the inugami leapt for it's target.

And hit the man in it's way.

All Subaru could do was scramble away and watch in horror as the inugami completely consumed the thin man, who screeched and screamed in denial at his loss of control over the construct. The angry cries became terrified ones, which became agonised ones, and Subaru flinched as he felt Miyuki's life vanish. The dog spirit shook it's great maned head and turned red eyes that bled fire and death on Subaru.

Fourteen.

He didn't have time to mourn, or feel guilty, as he hastily backtracked, trying to pinpoint in his rattled memory the exact moment everything had gone wrong and he had lost control of the situation. He was a Sumeragi, this wasn't supposed to be too much for him. But with the spirit, the shock of Miyuki's anger, the painful reminder of the thirteen people he had failed...fourteen now, any semblance of control had vanished. The inugami howled, and the sound had him clapping his hands over his ears and flinching away as it echoed through his skull, rattling him. The spirit was even more powerful now, this deliberately constructed entity made up of a large number of restless spirits, and bound by the spirit of a loyal pet somewhere along the line...and now, it contained all the rage and fury of it's former master.

And still it grew, snapping at Subaru's heels as he scrambled away. Tendrils of ice-cold fire lapped at his feet, and he cried out, clapping his hands together and sending a swarm of razor sharp white doves at the creature in retaliation. The attack gave him a moment's reprieve – he used it to kick out what was left of the glass on one of the balcony doors and scramble through, ignoring the sting as sharp shards tore through the skin of his legs and shoulders. Seconds later, the fiery dog burst through the doors behind him, giving him no time to attempt an exorcism. It was huge, now, fuelled by Miyaki's rage and hatred, and now that it had eaten it's master, it had no real focus beyond destruction, making it twice as dangerous. A paw swept out of nowhere and flung Subaru to the ground, where he gasped in pain, clutching his stomach. The visible inverted pentagrams he no longer bothered to cover on the backs of his hands glowed and throbbed with pain, and he cursed them in his head. His shirt was smouldering, ripped at the stomach, and the skin beneath blistered. The next swipe forced Subaru to the edge of the balcony, where he pressed himself up against the railings and glanced thirty stories down into the walled courtyard of the empty apartment complex.

The inugami dropped onto all fours, growling, prowling closer and snapping it's jaws. It could sense what he was, it was already capable of intelligent thought, Subaru realised with a shudder. The next swipe saw the railings disintegrate behind him even as he tried to throw up some form of shield against the creature's fury. His stomach heaved as he felt the ground fall away from him, and then, he was tumbling in empty space.

_... Advocate ..._

Seishirou could feel Subaru's marks burning. He'd always known when the younger was in pain or scared, but this was off the scale. He tried to pretend it wasn't happening, feign obliviousness, but when the mug of coffee he was clutching shattered, causing everyone in the cafe to jump and glance his way, he stopped trying and stood up. "My apologies. It slipped from my hand." He lied easily, dropping a few coins on the table and vanishing out of the door. Within seconds he had disappeared from the patrons' sight, calling up his shikigami. "Find him." He hissed urgently, slamming the door of his new black car shut and starting the engine. He was a long way from the city centre, having avoided it like the plague in case he saw Subaru or his sister, or was tempted to try and return.

He had planned to stay away, but his opposing star was in pain. In pain, and scared, and whilst the last time Seishirou had left, after he had destroyed Hokuto and broken Subaru, he had always ignored any occassion the younger Sumeragi twin was in trouble, this time, it was proving physically impossible. His twenty five year old self had been impetuous and immature, convinced of his own brilliance. Nine years and six months later, though outwardly he looked no different, and the year was still 1991, he knew he had been wrong to lie to Subaru, to convince the boy (and himself) that he had lost the bet they had made when Subaru was still a child, innocent and upset for the souls of the people trapped within the sakura tree.

He screeched through the traffic, ignoring the loud swearing from pedestrians and the sharp honking of car horns as he swerved and mounted the pavement each time he hit a jam. It might have been quicker to run, using the skyline, but his head wasn't even slightly in the right place as the ghost burn on the backs of his hands reached a new crescendo and he imagined he could hear a faint cry of terror rattling through his head.

Then, images from the shikigami began to filter in, directing him. He watched from the hawk's eye as it circled above an old apartment block, falling into disrepair, uninhabited. It screeched once as Subaru tumbled out onto one of the decrepit balconies, a spell dying on his hands as it was released back at whatever he was fighting. And then, seconds later, Seishirou nearly crashed the car when a construct bound by an inugami burst out after the teenager and obliterated the flimsy balcony, sending both Subaru and itself tumbling thirty stories towards the ground.

_... Advocate ..._

It took several precious moments for his mind to catch up with what had just happened, the scream dying on Subaru's lips. He felt weightless, though he knew it wasn't the case. Twisting himself in midair, he shrieked a spell and one of his doves burst from his fingers, changing shape fluidly and latching onto one of the balconies as it snapped into a vague semblance of a rope. Still clutching the other end, Subaru jolted to a halt with such force that the railing of the balcony snapped clean off. The entire west section of the building was crumbling, folding in on itself as the fire-creature crashed through balconies and set the empty shell alight. His constructed shikigami vanished, but it had done it's job – meaning Subaru tumbled the remaining two floors and crashed into the ground with twenty-eight floors less speed than he might have done.

Which didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell.

His spine exploded with pain, and his head cracked against the dirt floor. Stars spun above his eyes, and glass littered the floor around him. He heard rather than saw the inugami land in a wreath of flames and growling, setting the grass alight with it's thrashing fury. He lay for a second more, until he realised the west side of the apartment block was indeed coming down. He choked, hoping it crumbled cleanly and didn't topple onto a neighbouring apartment block. Subaru rolled onto his stomach, head spinning with pain, hair plastered to his forehead. He could feel something sticky trickling down near his ear, and shuddered, staggering to his feet. He tumbled back to the ground twice before he could balance himself properly, and only just managed to throw himself across the courtyard and plaster himself against the east section as a quarter of the building crumbled to the ground, throwing up clouds of dust scattering debris. Glass rained on him, and he threw up his arms and huddled against the wall. He could only pray to whatever deity was watching him that the west tower didn't bring down the rest of the quadrangle.

He wasn't given time to dwell on this, as within seconds the creature was on him, snapping it's jaws. It was weakened by the fall and Subaru's attacks upstairs, wounds in it's reddish skin leaking fire and black tar. It walked like a man, now, constructing itself using Miyaki's body. It's jaw was still canine, and it was twice the height any man had any right to be. Subaru scrambled back, a spell on his lips, but he couldn't find the words, head still ringing, dizzy with his fall. His thoughts whirled at a thousand miles an hour, he thought of Hokuto, and how she'd be screaming at him to run, to get away.

But he had nowhere to go. The courtyard was closed off, the doors all boarded up. He hadn't the energy to break through one, let alone fight this creature. He stumbled, coughing blood onto the floor, vision swimming. He flung simple, useless spells at it, trying to buy time, but the thing kept coming, swatting his pathetic efforts aside. Miyaki's thirst for revenge was the only thing it could comprehend now, and once it had obliterated the cause of the man's rage, it would go feral.

Subaru tried to tell himself he couldn't let it happen, but he was beginning to realise he couldn't beat this thing. He couldn't find the energy, his head was rattled, and he was losing blood quicker than he body could build it back up. He felt light-headed. All he could do was throw up his arms, stumbling back away as a last ditch effort to defend himself.

_... Advocate ..._

Author's note: Good job I've written the last chapter already. I don't want people coming after me for that cliffhanger! Final chapter needs editing, but it will be out within a week :)

Please take the time to review and tell me what you think! I hope it was as explosive as I promised! :3


	11. Draw

Advocate

Disclaimer: CLAMP owns it. I play with it.

Pairings: Split evenly between Seishirou x Subaru and Kakyou x Hokuto

Warnings: Violence, blood, male-male. If you have a problem with shounen ai or blood...you're in the wrong fandom. This is CLAMP, so blood is a given.

Author's note: This chapter is probably the damn sweetest thing I've ever written. (Well, as sweet as it gets with Seishirou, anyway)

It is also the last chapter of this story. :( Am I sad? Hmm...probably a little, yes. I really loved writing this, even after the little glitches and looong waiting time earlier on...anyway. Enough talking.

_... Advocate ..._

Chapter Ten – Draw

Just as his vision flickered and the restless, angered spirit opened a gaping and bloody mouth, meaning to sink it's teeth into the onmyouji, arms wrapped around him and a steady chant breathed in his ear.

Seishirou.

He had come back after all. The man's arms were crossed in front of the exhausted Sumeragi, an onslaught of offensive magic spilling from the large hands Subaru knew so well. Hands that had touched his face, stroked his hair, run over his lips and tickled his sides affectionately. Hands that had gripped and twisted and pushed and hurt. Hands that had killed, and would kill again.

Hands that had always been there to save him.

Green eyes snapped open, and Subaru brought his hands up in front of Seishirou's, adding his voice to the other's chant and letting their magic mix together, strengthening the spell. With the onslaught of both the onmyouji and the assassin, the weakened spirit broke with a loud, mournful howl, turning it's maw to the sky and dissipating. Subaru staggered, watching it fade into the afterlife, just like that. He could feel Seishirou's hands clamped down on his shoulders as the older man's chant died on his lips. He took a moment to reflect on the oddness of the Sakurazukamori and the head of the Sumeragi head working together. Then, when Seishirou went to pull his hands away, slender, ungloved fingers reached up to keep the older man's left hand in place on his shoulder. He looked up over it and met Seishirou's gaze steadily. That single amber eye overflowed with love and death, concern and ruthlessness...and everything in between. "Seishirou..." An unspoken 'you came back' lingered at the end of the whispered name.

"Are you alright?" Seishirou said quietly. It hadn't been what he'd planned to say to Subaru when he made his reappearance, but then, part of him had been toying with staying far away until 1999 forced them together again, like he had last time. That way he wouldn't have to face Subaru, and his own lingering feelings he still wasn't sure were even there beyond the reality of passing on his legacy.

"That isn't what you really want to say, is it?" Subaru turned around, holding onto Seishirou's hand and squeezing. Holding hands seemed such a big stretch. There were no gloves between their fingers anymore, no fabric to hide the mark that scarred Subaru's skin and marked him as Seishirou's. Almost by habit, Seishirou lifted the younger's hand and kissed the back of it. There was a long moment of silence as Subaru appraised Seishirou. He knew now that the sweet, good-natured side of Seishirou that once kissed his hand and teased him all the time was a complete lie. The Seishirou he had fallen for never existed in the first place. This couldn't be the man he loved, except that he simply _was._ There was an honest sort of desperation about the older man, who wasn't comfortable in the situation and had fallen completely out of his depth. Had tried to run away from it.

That, Subaru could understand. He always felt like that when he was around Seishirou. He shook his head, trying to believe there was more to Seishirou than his actions suggested. He jumped when the other began speaking, and had to think to remember his question.

"No. It isn't. Subaru...forgive me." Seishirou muttered, as though the words hurt to say.

"I already have." It came easily, and Subaru found he didn't have the energy nor the mental capacity to be angry at Seishirou anymore.

Seishirou's eyes widened fractionally, uncomprehending. He'd never had to forgive, nor beg forgiveness. It was an alien concept, one of those many things his much younger self had scoffed at. Who needed love, faith, forgiveness and joy when you were Seishirou Sakurazuka? Once again Subaru's unwavering determination to see the good in everything and everyone was shining like a beacon in his dark, solitary world and challenging his core beliefs.

Damn brat.

"But..." Subaru continued, tensing his shoulders. The temperature dropped as his eyes froze over and he stared hard at Seishirou. The older man blinked. Never had he seen such an expression on the boy before, not even in the previous timeline when he'd had every right to be cold and aloof. It was sobering. Subaru actually had a spine, the innocent little boy he had toyed with for fun was gone, replaced by an intense and clear-headed teenager. It didn't help that Subaru wore the image beautifully – and that was something Seishirou had always had to admit. The boy was frighteningly attractive. "...If this is all a lie..." Subaru continued, "If you're still trying to decieve me...I will kill you before you can hurt me again." Then, the frightening intensity vanished, and Subaru's arms slipped around his waist, having already made his decision. Exhausted, he rested his head against Seishirou's chest. Too tired to be embarrassed, or worried about anyone seeing. People must have gathered, half of the building had come down...was probably still on fire...

Seishirou remained silent, scooping Subaru up by the tops of his legs. A shocked squeak, and Subaru forgot about the wreckage, hands gripping Seishirou's shoulders. Then he relaxed, and looped them around his neck, looking down at the assassin, who swung him down and into his arms. "I...let's...I'll take you home." He finished lamely, lost for words of any substance. Subaru had forgiven him, after all that drama. It had been that easy. 'I already have'. His plan had come crashing around his ears, and somhow...Seishirou didn't care. Ignoring the slightly scary declaration at the end there, that conversation had been shockingly romantic, for Seishirou.

The trip back to Subaru's apartment passed in something of a daze. Seishirou watched Subaru's face all the way back, not really paying attention to their surroundings. The younger boy's eyes were shut, fingers loosely clutching Seishirou's lapel. He'd carried Subaru before, many times, but not when the boy was awake. It was almost a surprise that he _was_ awake, the teenager was dripping blood, covered in cuts and bruises, and there was definitely glass lodged in his bare arm. His clothes were torn up and his hair a mess, matted in places and sticking up all over in others. Sure, his eyes were shut, but Seishirou knew he was consciously allowing this, relaxing into his hold, maybe even curling closer. It only served to confuse him even more. He fumbled with the keys he fished from Subaru's coat pocket, almost dropping them, and let himself into the apartment, closing the door softly behind him.

Carrying the exhausted onmyouji into his bedroom and sitting him on the edge of the bed, Seishirou's eyes were soft as he pressed their foreheads together. With an odd sort of twisty feeling in his chest, he noticed that Subaru was crying. Again. It was a sight he was used to, by now. He had seen Subaru's tears a thousand times, been their cause another thousand times over. Using the pad of his thumb to brush the tears from Subaru's cheeks, his head felt unusually clear. "Stop crying." He muttered, not entirely sure he knew how to deal with tears he didn't make. At least, he assumed he didn't make them. He really couldn't be sure. Subaru swiped at his eyes with muttered apology, and it gratified Seishirou to know that little hints of the boy he'd chased all over Tokyo were still there. The boy's long, damp lashes fluttered a little as he stared back at the older man.

"I...I still love you...even though you...even though this is..."

Seishirou understood. He knew what the boy was trying to say. _Even though you know I betrayed you, once. Even though you know that the part of me you fell for is a lie. Even though you know that, once upon a time, I killed your sister and broke your heart._ His single amber eye blinked, and he caught and held Subaru's tearful green gaze. "I..." Seishirou couldn't speak. He still didn't know what to say, and perhaps he never would, but did it really matter? In the end, he settled for something he'd asked himself over and over, torturing himself with it until he'd pushed himself to the brink of insanity.

"What have you done to me, Subaru?"

A sharp intake of breath. The little onmyouji pressed himself unconsciously closer to Seishirou, and the bed creaked a little from the movement. How Seishirou came to be embracing him, hugging him tight against his body, he would never remember, or be able to explain, but he found himself in that position regardless, running a comforting hand up and down the younger's back. He'd done it before, a hundred times, in his friendly veterinarian disguise. But this time, the game was up. There was no ulterior motive, if only because Seishirou was simply too tired to think of one. He had lost that stupid bet, and he knew it, had known it all along. Snuggled against the warmth, Subaru's tears slowed, and finally stopped. He didn't move when Seishirou tugged at the remnants of his jumper and gently pulled it off, only wincing when rather than trying to pull it over his head, the man took the fabric in both his hands and ripped it apart to get it off. He tensed when the fabric stuck to several open wounds, aggravating inflamed skin.

Silence reigned as Seishirou began to slowly patch Subaru up, save for the odd hiss of pain. Two first aid kits lay open beside him and a large, pink-tinged bowl of water filled with cloths sat on the floor by the bed where Subaru was sitting, swaying slightly. Seishirou gently cleaned and bandaged the more serious cuts, and gently extracted three shards of glass from the younger's bare, bloody arm. It took a very patient half an hour to properly clean and patch up everything, and once he was finished, Seishirou settled himself next to Subaru on the bed, unsurprised when the teenager sniffled and latched onto him, fingers shaking and tightening in an effort to circumvent the pain. For all he must have been in quite a lot of it, he had hardly made a sound. Hopefully the painkillers he'd given Subaru would kick in soon enough. By now, the sun had set, and Seishirou glanced out of the window as the sky darkened and stars winked at him through the clouds.

He sighed and returned the younger boy's embrace. Bright eyes blinked up at him, and the Sakurazukamori allowed himself to be gently pushed backwards onto the bed. Subaru hovered over him, a slight frown creasing his bandaged forehead as he scrutinised the older man. Seishirou blinked, confused. "What are you – "

"Let me know you..." Subaru answered simply, before the man could finish. Stunned, Seishirou was silent as soft hands traced the contours of his face. Unfamiliar emotion welled up inside him, and he struggled to understand how he could possibly be so in love with the teenager hovering over him. It was strange, he thought, to care so much about one person. And really, to care at all. Everything he'd kept hidden his whole life was streaming out and muddling his head with confusion just from Subaru's gentle, hesitant touch. How had it come to this? Was this really all because of one wish made by a dead girl who couldn't bear to see her brother suffer? It hadn't just been him, obviously, he wasn't the sort of person who...he paused that line of thought. She hadn't forced him to do things differently. Hokuto had just...been there. Watching him. Challenging his very beliefs and ideals and making him lose sight of his real goal. Without thinking, he lifted one hand to caress the younger onmyouji's face, the pad of his thumb stroking the boy's porcelain cheek. He'd always wondered what it might be like to touch Subaru like this, innocently, gently, with no intention in mind other than to feel how soft his skin was under cool fingers.

They stayed like this for a long time, Subaru lying on top of Seishirou, his fingers touching, stroking, caressing the other's face and neck. Seishirou kept one hand on Subaru's cheek, the other on the small of his back. Eventually, the older onmyouji sighed. "I am still the Sakurazukamori. You've seen me for who I really am, you've watched me do what I really do. Do you still want to know me?"

"If you'll let me."

"I can't change for you."

"...You already have. You didn't kill her. Not this time, when you could so easily have just done exactly the same and left me to suffer the way you did the first time. You've given both me and my sister the chance to live again, and by letting Hokuto-chan live, you've saved Kakyou-san, too..." Seishirou digested this, and then slowly rolled them over so he leant over Subaru, careful not to squash his small frame under his larger body. "Not intentionally. You're too sentimental, Subaru-kun."

The green eyed onmyouji blushed, then, and smiled. "Enough for both of us, so you don't have to be." Seishirou couldn't help it; he laughed. Underneath him, Subaru's smile brightened, and his eyes sparkled with such sudden affection that it took the older man's breath away. This...sweetness was so alien to him, and it felt...good. Just like Hokuto had promised. Damn her.

"I made you a promise once. If you could make me fall in love with you in one year, I would love only you, and protect only you. Forever." The words felt heavy on his tongue, old. Careless, almost, which he supposed they were, the careless whims of an emotionally stunted, psychopathic teenager faced with his polar opposite for the first time.

Subaru let his gaze wander, and he glanced out of the window, at the pale moonlight struggling through the clouds and casting soft light on the bed they lay in. "And will you?"

"...I will love you, and protect you, to whatever end, and at whatever cost. And if that means being civil to Hokuto-chan, and Kakyou-kun, too, then so be it." He said sincerely, wondering if Subaru would believe him after all the lies and deception. He had never been so desperate for the boy to see that he was telling the truth. He needed to be believed. And not just because of some insidious plot or underhanded purpose, but because he didn't know what he'd do if Subaru thought he was lying. He'd tried to run, and this time, hadn't been able to stay away, finally forced to face up to everything he'd always denied. He'd never spoken truer words, and he'd only now realised that. He didn't care that it wasn't allowed, he didn't care if he was defying some greater plan. Let destiny take issue, he didn't care. Why had he never seen that he could love Subaru, that it didn't matter? He could choose what he wanted, he was the Sakurazukamori, nothing told him what to do. It had taken death (and Hokuto) to make him realise it.

"Subaru-kun..." He leaned close, gratified by the sudden appearance of a flush on the younger boy's pretty face, and brushed his lips against Subaru's cheek. He knew now that there had been a point when emotional control, something Seishirou had always been proud to have, had darkened into something worse, something akin to heartlessness. And had he had his way, he would have remained (outwardly) as such until he died. Except for Subaru. Really, he had sealed his own fate by not killing the boy when he first met him under the sakura tree. By giving him the chance to get under his skin, he had destroyed his own strict control. Subaru had completely undone him. He moved his lips to press a second, chaste kiss on the younger boy's lips, delighting in the way Subaru squirmed at his touch.

Pulling away, he gazed down at Subaru, letting his face curl into a genuine, soft smile. Subaru just yawned, and the older man stopped hovering and lay beside him, impulsively drawing the young onmyouji against him. Subaru, it seemed, was happy to curl up, head resting in the crook of Seishirou's arm. The older man shook his head. How could he be so...forgiving? After everything that had happened, the teenager was happy to just...lie there, in his arms, completely trusting and relaxed. There would be nothing to stop him destroying the Sumeragi, nothing at all. He kept watching, even as the boy slept, unhaunted by nightmares, and every so often snuggling closer, enjoying the warmth.

Seishirou didn't know how long he lay there, fully clothed, in bed, watching him.

But he probably could have done it forever.

_... Advocate ..._

Hokuto danced on the lawn in Ueno park, pulling Kakyou behind her, singing at the top of her voice. Kakyou pulled her to a stop after a few moments, and she stumbled. The pair tumbled to the ground, and the _yumemi_ wrapped his slender arms around the giggling girl as they rolled on the grass. She wound her own arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. It turned out that the easiest way to help Kakyou had lain in Seishirou's hands – a few well placed threats, and his domineering mother and her mafia connections had backed off and disappeared. It had taken a while to convince Seishirou to do it, and several threats to his manhood on the part of Hokuto, but he had done it, and Kakyou was free.

The blonde boy pulled away. "No dancing. Not yet." He whispered, eyes tired.

She cocked her head. "I'm sorry, Kyou-chan.."

"Don't be...not ever."

Hokuto smiled fondly and rolled them over, sitting up on his legs and watching as he spread out his arms to feel the grass beneath them, a blissed expression on his face. She would never get tired of looking at his face every time they went outside, and he made it far enough to reach the grass he loved to feel under his feet. He was still unsteady on his feet, and he had to stop a lot to sit down...but he was free, and he was getting stronger every day. As she looked down at him, and he opened his eyes to look back, she felt her heart burst with love. Leaning down, she brushed their lips together in another chaste kiss. It was funny, when she'd invisaged who she might fall for when she was a little girl, it had always been someone tall, dark and handsome – much like Seishirou. But instead, she was head over heels for a tall, thin blonde boy who was more slender than even Subaru, and just as effeminately pretty. But he was her Kakyou, and that was the most important thing.

"Hokuto-chan!" She looked up and over at Subaru, who waved at her from underneath a sakura sapling, sitting up against it with his legs draped over Seishirou's lap, feet resting on a picnic blanket. It had been a little over a week since Seishirou had come back, and he and Subaru had finally reconciled. In that week, she'd watched her shy little brother burst out of his shell and throw himself into a real relationship with the Sakurazukamori. It was the vision she'd dreamt of when she'd played her very last, desperate ace. It seemed so long ago, now. She looked up at Kakyou, who had struggled to his feet. Kakyou, dressed like a normal teenager, standing straight and on his own two feet. Still tired, and still sick, but getting better, and brighter with each passing day. Both her dreams had flourished. A thrill of blissful happiness rushed through her.

"Yeah, we're coming!"

They walked over to her brother and their best friend slowly, Hokuto being mindful of Kakyou's every exhausted stumble. When they reached the picnic blanket, Subaru jumped up to give Kakyou his arm, and between the two twins, they helped the taller boy sit on the ground. Hokuto's cooked lunch quickly made an appearance, and before too long it was all covered in falling sakura blossom anyway. "My food!" She wailed, amid laughter from the three boys. "Shut up, it's not funny! Can't you tell the pink fluff to behave, Sei-chan?" She whinged.

"Not all 'pink fluff' does my bidding, Hokuto-chan." Seishirou muttered, affronted at her demeaning attitude towards his work. Pink fluff indeed.

Subaru caught a petal and tickled Seishirou's nose with it. "Pink fluff." He snorted, and Hokuto smiled gently. She knew her brother would never advocate Seishirou's lifestyle. But he had accepted who his lover was, and that there had to be a Sakurazukamori. She sighed happily – her brother and his partner were the original starcrossed lovers. And she had been integral in getting them together. Not to mention she had kept her promise to Kakyou and freed him.

The older boy snuggled up to her, and rested his blonde head on her shoulder. She pulled him close, determined to never let him go again. If Subaru could have Seishirou, she would have Kakyou...and maybe the family she'd always dreamed of having. It seemed silly to imagine what children made by her and Kakyou might look like, but she was Hokuto, and Hokuto was nothing if not an optimist. They would be beautiful, and her brother would always be by her side, protecting them, and he would be protected by Seishirou, so nothing would ever hurt him again. Kakyou's warm golden eyes caught hers, and she smiled, reaching up to stroke his face with one finger. "I love you." She mouthed, delighting in the gentle flush that rose to pale cheeks.

"I love you too..." He murmured back, looking up at her from her shoulder before letting his eyes flutter shut and returning to his doze.

She listened as Seishirou muttered something about having to look after a too-skinny, irresponsible onmyouji, a hyperactive fangirl and a narcoleptic dreamseer, and then giggled when Subaru admonished him, slapping his leg. "Three...two...one..." She murmured, and right on cue, her brother squealed as Seishirou swept him into a kiss, it being his newest and most preferred method to shut up the younger onmyouji's babble. She lay back on the grass, taking her sleeping boyfriend with her, and closed her eyes, face warm in the spring sun.

Everything was perfect.

_... Advocate ..._

"_I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart  
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start  
You put your arms around me  
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go  
You put your arms around me and I'm home."_

...The End.

If that was HORRIBLY over-mushy, blame the soundtrack of X - 1999, the smoother songs of which I was listening to as I wrote it. Oh, and a lot of Christina Perri. Emotional stuff. Either that or I am just a sad old woman. The lyrics at the bottom here are from one of two songs that basically wrote this chapter for me, 'Arms' and 'A Thousand Years'.

Note that Seishirou isn't completely free of dark thoughts. A lot of them permeate his last few paragraphs in this story, and whilst the two of them have, essentially, come together in something that might be construed as a happy ending, Seishirou still has a whole heap of emotional issues to work through. And Subaru has yet to fully understand what he's getting into reference Seishirou's work. As yet, he doesn't comprehend it, he thinks he's accepted Seishirou, but hasn't yet faced the reality of living with a killer as a boyfriend.

In this vein...this is the first part of a trilogy. The follow-up story will see Subaru facing this reality, and it will also explore Seishirou's job and lifestyle more thoroughly – how he does it, why he does it and what effect it has on his relationship with Subaru. Of course, there will be a new antagonist to throw a spanner in the works, not to mention Subaru's family getting involved...

Following that will hopefully be a third story concerning the events of 'X', which will likely be very different now Hokuto is alive, Kakyou is free and Seishirou and Subaru are very much a couple :)

So look out for those! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ANYONE WHO STUCK WITH THIS. I LOVE YOU. SO MUCH. ;w;


	12. Sequel

Hey guys, just a quick update to let you all know that the first chapter of the sequel to Advocate is now up! Hopefully you'll like it as much as you liked this story, and thanks once again for the amazing support I've had despite the dwindling love for this fandom :)

Much love and cookies,

Philosopher's Queen


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